A few years ago I had a student who kept repeating a word I had never heard before, until I realised he was concatenating two familiar words into something quite bizarre. I am aware that I do something similar, when I bunch together the phrases “you know” and “I mean” into “ya-meen”. I don’t know anyone else who does this, so I’m proud of my idiolect.

In movie dialogue, we distinguish characters among other things by their native language, dialect, and idiolect. And even though you rarely need to specify all this in the screenplay, it is good to have an understanding.

So, let’s look at a few ways of dealing with accents and foreign language, without hampering the read.

Leave it to the story

In Martin McDonagh’s In Bruges – one of the scripts we studied in Immersion – the characters each speak with their respective accents, but it’s never mentioned in the script. We assume that Ray and Ken are British from a line in the opening monologue “Get the fuck out of London.”

The lead characters ended up being played by Irish actors, but McDonagh has said that this was a happy coincidence more than anything else. When Ralph Fiennes’ character of Harry enters the film with his thick Cockney accent, you’ll find that this is not mentioned in the script, either.

Character introduction

By far the easiest way to set up how a character speaks, is in their first introduction.

If PAUL (28) is a pudgy Liverpudlian, we may assume this comes with the appropriate accent. You can specify whether the accent is slight or thick.

This technique avoids any possible annoyance with the reader, as nobody likes reading accent quirks throughout an entire script.

Scene Notes

Sometime characters change language in the course of a story. In this case, a SCENE NOTE right after the slug may indicate that “The entire scene is in Russian, subtitled in English”, or “During the flashbacks, everyone except our hero will speak Klingon.”

This avoids having to write a whole bunch of parentheticals. Speaking of which —

Choice Of Words

The characters in the world of the Coen brothers often speak in quirky ways. This never hampers the ease of reading their dialogue, as the accent is usually only apparent in the choice of words. A good example is Marge from Fargo.

MARGE [on the phone]: Oh my. Where? Yeah? Aw geez. Okay, there in a jif. Real good, then.

Parenthetical

When a single line, or a few lines are spoken in a different language, you have two options: either you want the audience to understand it, or you don’t.

If you do, the foreign language lines will be subtitled in the film; and if you don’t, they won’t.

Write the lines in English with a parenthetical, e.g. (in Italian) to show they need subtitles. In this way, the reader has the same experience as the audience: it’s a foreign language but they understand what is being said.

If you’re using a simple word or short phrase (ciao, nyet, or ‘dio mio’) and you trust your audience will understand it, just print it verbatim.

Original Dialogue

Sometimes the language is foreign to the main character, and we want the audience to feel just as confused as them, by not translating. In this case, you write the dialogue in the script in the original foreign language – without parenthetical.

This means there won’t be any subtitles, keeping the audience in the hero’s POV.

Do you know of any other ways of dealing with accents, dialect or foreign language? Or do you have great script examples to prove or disprove any of the above, please tell us in the comments.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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Steven Miao created the opening video sting and Mukul Kandara helped with setting it all up. Thanks, guys!

The channel had been in the making for a long time, but I just have been too busy with clients, teaching and workshopping awesome projects. What I was planning on doing in January 2017 has finally come to fruition. Will I be able to keep it up? We’ll see.

In the first video, I talk briefly about the correct way to format audio and voice over on a black screen. So many times I have seen this done improperly in screenplays. Yet it is so easy…

Of course, something went wrong during the filming of that first YouTube video, so you couldn’t see the example I was talking about (you can see it below in this article).

I didn’t want to fix the video.

Why not?

The hunt for perfection had been a curse for too long. An excuse for continued procrastination. It was time to ship.

In a way, your shipping is writing; sitting down to commit words to paper.

If you don’t write, great ideas won’t happen. If you don’t believe me, watch that TED talk with Elizabeth Gilbert again.

Okay, back to the formatting class.

Audio Over Black

The example I give in the video is from The Big Sick.

In the YouTube video, you can’t see it. My mistake. But here it is:

As I said above: it is so simple! You just write ‘OVER BLACK’, and then you describe what we hear. At the beginning of a screenplay, this will be printed BEFORE the slugline that introduces the first scene visually.

Easy, right?

Superimposed Text Over Image (Super)

The other thing people often ask me about is how to correctly write a title in the screenplay.

First, you don’t really call this a TITLE. We reserve this for the OPENING and CLOSING TITLES, like you will see in the example.

When you want to indicate where we are (e.g. Paris, Texas), or the time/date (The 18th of December, 2017), you use a SUPER (as in ‘superimposed’).

Mostly I see beginning writers open a scene with the slugline (or scene heading), and then immediately print the Super.

I don’t particularly like this, because the slugline doesn’t give me enough information to visualise the background that the title will be sitting over.

Mostly you will have a shot held for a few seconds before the Super comes in, like in this example from The Disaster Artist:

In the YouTube video, I mentioned that the slugline is imperfect. It should have a full-stop after “INT”, and ideally you also print the time of day at the end of the slugline, e.g. “INT. JEAN SHELTON’S ACTING STUDIO – DAY”.

Then again, my video wasn’t perfect either.

With all this talk about imperfection I may have given the impression that your script doesn’t have to be perfect.

Well, it doesn’t. Until you send it out…

But that’s a different video altogether.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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If you are one of this talented few, script formatting applications like Celtx, Movie Magic and Final Draft are great productivity tools. These take the hassle out of capitalising, indenting and laying out a script in the format demanded by the Hollywood movie moguls.

They also remember the names of your characters and scene locations. They’ll check your spelling, allow you to classify and rearrange scenes, and produce shooting scripts and script reports for your production team.

Final Draft has fought its way to the top in the screenplay formatting wars. If you believe the hype, it is “used by 95% of film and television productions.”

But for most of us, writing a screenplay begins long before we sit down at the keyboard with that real or virtual clean sheet in front of us. If you follow The Story Department’s advice, and have visited Logline It, you know the drill. You will have refined your logline, described the inciting incident, and developed a 3-act structure. You will have laid out the main beats and arcs and possibly covered your wall with scrawled library cards before you type EXT.

There are a few computer applications that can help you with this early stage. Pre-scripting is by definition a messy job with lots of redundancy.

Final Draft 10 aims to pull the whole process together into a single software package. (Declaration of interest: I’ve been a voluntary beta tester on Final Draft 10 for the past 18 months, but I have no financial interest in the software.)

In this review I’ll assume that the script formatting aspect of Final Draft needs no explanation or comment. I’ll confine myself to the meta-script aspects and the new and improved pre-scripting tools.

NAVIGATOR

This tabbed panel is not new — it’s been part of Final Draft for the past 3-4 versions at least, but its utility has been improved.

If you’re already using Final Draft you’ll be familiar with how use it to jump to, drag, rearrange and colour-code scenes. You know how to keep track of characters and define their arcs; and add script notes.

Now the Navigator is linked to The Story Map, which multiplies its usefulness.

STORY MAP

While the Navigator provides a running overview of your screenplay as you are writing it, the Story Map is an omnipresent, interactive view of your story.

It is a horizontal bar at the top of the window, providing an overview of your script at a glance.

Before you begin, you set a target length in pages, define Structure Points (eg. acts, mid-point) and add Beats. These become page targets in the Story Map. You can, of course, drag these targets around, add new points or erase them at will.

As you write new scenes, they appear in the Story Map along with any colours you added in the Navigator. Double clicking on a scene in the Map takes you to that scene in the script. You can zoom in to examine your scene sequence, or zoom out for a birds-eye view of your screenplay.

BEAT BOARD

The Beat Board is the most obvious new feature in Final Draft 10. It’s your pin board, where you scribble on virtual library cards and drag them around until they make sense.

The Board is totally free format, equally useful for brainstorming, structuring and making notes. Double click anywhere on the board to create a card, then change its size and colour and location and drag it into position.

What you put on these virtual cards is up to you: ideas, notes, character sketches, scene descriptions, “beats,” reminders, phone numbers, shopping lists…

I’ve never been an enthusiastic user of library cards and preferred Scrivener to structure my story. However, I’ve become a fan of the Beat Board for this visual process of brainstorming, rearranging, refining and editing.

It is instinctive and almost infinitely flexible. I’d appreciate more colours and a “snap to grid” option, though. Maybe that is my OCD speaking. And I’d like to be able to add hyperlinks and images, but maybe these will come in later versions.

(NB. The Beat Board is not related to the Index Cards view, which has been an option under the VIEW menu since Version 1.)

SPLIT

In Final Draft 9, you had the ability to split the screen vertically or horizontally, but now you can drag your Beats directly into your screenplay from the Split view.

ALT DIALOGUE

Now here’s a handy feature: say you can’t decide whether a character is a Yank or an Aussie; whether he says “Wassup dude?” or “G’day mate?”

This handy refinement enables you to include any number of alternatives.

Just click on the small “+” beside the line and type in the Yank/Aussie lines.

Both alternatives remain in the screenplay until you decide which market you are selling to.

COLLABORATION

I’ve been collaborating on a script with a writer in the USA. We used to email copies back and forth and mark our contributions and changes using Script Notes and colours.

With FD10 and Skype it’s as though we are sitting side-by-side. It’s as simple as clicking “Collaborate”, obtaining a Session ID Number and Skyping (or emailing) the number to him. He clicks Collaborate and enters the ID Number and my script appears on his computer.

We pass Control back and forward and any changes one of us makes, the other sees in real time. You can communicate interactively using text or speech, though we prefer to run a Skype session beside it. It’s as painless as your bandwidth allows.

Unfortunately, the Beat Board, Splits and several other new features are greyed out in Collaboration mode. I hope they are going to be included in versions 10+.

OTHER IMPROVEMENTS

There are a lot of smaller improvements in Version 10, too. You’ll find more scene numbering options, header and footer improvements, revision versions. A long-overdue improvement is in the Dictionaries: Australian English works at last and I’ve tried it with French and German. And here’s a neat trick: when I’m collaborating with my American colleague, his spell-checker reads US English and mine is Australian English.

WORTH THE PRICE?

If you’re a serious scriptwriter, Final Draft 8 or 9 were always worth the investment. MacOS and Windows Final Draft documents are interchangeable and it delivers a script that won’t be rejected on formatting grounds by those picky Hollywood producers’ assistants. There are now Final Draft apps for iPhone and iPad, for both reading (free) and writing (US$10). So you can take it anywhere.

Let’s face it, Final Draft 10 is an investment, whether you are buying it or upgrading. If you’re not being paid for scriptwriting, perhaps stick with Celtx (free) and library cards for a while. When you’re ready to step into the bear pit, download the Free Trial from finaldraft.com, and explore the introduction screens and videos.

If you think it’s for you, check this site for the best price!

FINAL DRAFT 10: FINAL THOUGHTS

Final Draft 10 is a new ball game, with useful, powerful and stable pre-scripting tools and the best collaboration feature on the market.

There are a few options that I hope appear in 10.1: more colours and a snap-to-grid in the Beat Board. Equally useful would be hyperlinks, and the ability to past graphics. Extending the collaboration capability to the Beat Board will double its usefulness.

-Ian Hart

Ian Hart

Ian Hart is a freelance writer and director.

peacemountain.com.au

by David Trottier

“Would you like a piece?” she asked the class.

Sitting on the front row, I was sure my chances were good. My hand shot up like a rocket. In fact, everyone raised their hand, including obnoxious Ollie sitting next to me who started screaming, “Oh, me, me, ME!”

“Okay.” It was almost a whisper, and she smiled so sweetly. And then she slapped her hand into the cake, grabbed a fistful, and dropped it into Ollie’s lap. He looked up at her helplessly.

“Go ahead and eat it,” she told him.

The big oaf just shook his head. The nasty expression on his face said it all.

And then the professor addressed the class and asked, “Is presentation important?”

She had us. Of course it was. After all, there was nothing wrong with the content of the cake, but there was a lot wrong with the format of her presentation. It seemed that no one wanted a piece after that.

And so it is with screenplays. Imagine dropping a sloppy mess into the lap of a reader. What might his or her reaction be?

Formatting is an important part of presentation. The script should look attractive to read. Part of that is writing it in the language of professionals who will read it.

Formatting affects readability, another aspect of presentation. The story should be clear and evoke emotion in the heart of the reader. The last thing you want to do is distract the reader from the most important thing in the script—the content of your wonderful story.

Does formatting have to be perfect? No. And neither does a chocolate cake. But your presentation will help make the “read” a most excellent sensory experience.

-David Trottier

David Trottier has sold or optioned ten screenplays (three produced) and helped hundreds of writers break into the writing business.
He is an award-winning teacher and in-demand script consultant, author of The Screenwriter’s Bible, and friendly host of keepwriting.com.

Jamie Campbell

Jamie Campbell is an author, screenwriter, and television addict.

Jamie is proud to be an Editor for The Story Department.

Her latest series Project Integrate is out now.

jamiecampbell.com.au

by David Trottier

In the first example, Sharon receives a text message from someone that she (Sharon) wants to show to Cynthia.

INT. SHARON’S ROOM – DAY

Sharon displays her iPhone for Cynthia to see. The text message reads: “I’m engaged!”

It’s important to put quotation marks around anything you want the movie-going audience to see and read. If the text message is misspelled, show the misspelling. If you want to emphasize the message so that the reader doesn’t miss it, then you might use the following approach:

Sharon displays her iPhone for Cynthia to see.

ON THE IPHONE SCREEN

the text message reads:

“I’m engaged!”

BACK TO SCENE

As you can see, you should indent the text message just as you would dialogue. Handle email conversations in the same way. Here’s an example.

Sharon reads the email on her laptop.

ON THE LAPTOP SCREEN

“I’m engaged!”

BACK TO SHARON’S ROOM

The following is a correct revision of the exact same situation:

Sharon reads the email on her laptop.

ON THE MONITOR

“I’m engaged!”

BACK TO SCENE

As an alternative to the heading BACK TO SCENE or BACK TO SHARON’S ROOM, you could focus solely on Sharon’s reaction to reading the email, as illustrated below.

(Incidentally, if you decide to use a character’s name as a secondary scene heading, keep in mind that, in so doing, you are communicating to the reader that you want the camera on that character until the next heading appears. In other words, if you want to describe something happening elsewhere in the room, you will need to indicate that new location in a new scene heading.)

SHARON

jumps joyfully from her desk, grabs her iPhone, and starts texting.

ON SHARON’S IPHONE SCREEN

“Guess what happened?”

BACK TO SHARON

who suddenly becomes aware of her blaring TV set.

ON SHARON’S TV

A NEWS REPORTER holds a paper in his hand.

NEWS REPORTER
This just in. Alice is engaged.

As you can see from the above examples, you can use the same format for emails, text messages, and TV announcements, and you can use a variety of styles. Here is an additional example.

Sharon glances at the email on her laptop. It reads: “We’re engaged!”

Sharon jumps joyfully from her desk, grabs her cell, and starts texting.

INSERT – SHARON’S IPHONE, which reads:N

“Guess what happened?”

BACK TO SHARON’S ROOM

Or you could end with BACK TO SCENE or BACK TO SHARON

In the above example, I inserted the INSERT, but I could just as easily have written the following:

Sharon jumps joyfully from her desk, grabs her iPhone, and starts texting: “Guess what happened?”

As you can see, in formatting, there is often more than one way to skin a cat, depending on your purpose, the amount of space you have, and how readable you want your script to be. Use the method or methods that best suit you, and keep writing!

* * *

And incidentally, if you’re wondering how to indent messages (as described above) using Movie Magic Screenwriter or Final Draft, please follow the instructions below.

If you use Movie Magic Screenwriter, select the “Action” element. Then click on “Format” on the top toolbar and then “Cheat” and “Element” (F3). Select the margins you want (2.5 on the left and 2.5 on the right).

If you use Final Draft, make sure your ruler is visible at the top of the document. If not, click “View,” then click on “Ruler.” Select the “Action” element. Select the paragraph you want to indent. Then, with your mouse, grab the little square bottom of the hourglass at the left of the ruler and drag it to 2.5, and grab the margin marker on the right and move it to 6.0.

If you’d like to keep this new element for future screenplays, follow these directions: Click on “Format” and then “Elements.” You’ll see a list of elements. Below that, click on “New.” At the top left, name the element; for example, “Special indent.” Under the “Paragraph” tab, under “Indents,” select 2.5 for your left margin and 6.0 for your right margin. Click “OK.” To save as a permanent template, click “File” and “Save as.” You should be able to find your way from there.

-David Trottier

David Trottier has sold or optioned ten screenplays (three produced) and helped hundreds of writers break into the writing business.
He is an award-winning teacher and in-demand script consultant, author of The Screenwriter’s Bible, and friendly host of keepwriting.com.

Jamie Campbell

Jamie Campbell is an author, screenwriter, and television addict.

Jamie is proud to be an Editor for The Story Department.

Her latest series Project Integrate is out now.

jamiecampbell.com.au

by David Trottier

As a script consultant, I sometimes find myself saying while reading a script, “Where am I?” For example, here’s one of my favorite formatting mistakes:

INT. A HECTIC BREAKFAST – DAY

“A hectic breakfast” is not a location. Where am I? Here’s another goof:

EXT. OCEAN – DAY

Marion runs through the waves.

LIBRARY

Marion reads a book.

How can a library be part of the ocean? Is it a floating library? And how did we get from an exterior camera placement to an interior? Did I miss something?

I sometimes find myself saying… “Where am I?”

Do you see the potential confusion? It’s not good for you to have a reader stop and try to figure something like this out. You want the story to flow steadily through the reader’s mind. Formatting mistakes like these aren’t going to help you.

In view of that, here are your key principles for scene headings.

Begin a scene with a master scene heading. Include the master (or primary) location; for example, EXT. SMITH HOUSE – DAY. Other locations (such as BEDROOM or HALLWAY) that are part of the master location are called secondary locations. The resulting heading is called a secondary scene heading.

In addition, it’s okay to add a secondary location to a master (primary) location in a master scene heading. I’ll illustrate all of these points below.

First, we’ll begin with the master scene heading. This one includes a secondary location. Next, we’ll move to other secondary locations.

INT. SMITH HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

John slams the front door and races down the
HALLWAY

and into his

BEDROOM

where he dives on top of his bed and sobs.

The above is correct, but it could have just as easily been written like this, which is also correct:

INT. SMITH HOUSE – DAY

LIVING ROOM

John slams the front door and races out.

HALLWAY

He runs past pictures of his family.

BEDROOM
He stumbles in and falls on his bed sobbing.

As you can see, any number of secondary headings can follow. Just make sure they are part of the master (primary) location. Once we change the camera placement to an exterior location, or to one that is not part of the master location, we must create a new master scene heading.

You want the story to flow steadily through the reader’s mind.

If I may, I’ll mention one other common formatting fumble.

EXT. A WINDY NIGHT WITH A PALE MOON SHINING THROUGH TREES IN THE WOODS

This one includes description in the scene heading.

It should have been written as follows:

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
A pale moon shines through trees buffeted by a stiff wind.

Save the description for the description (action) sections of your script. And save the reader a lot of pain.

Make him or her a happy reader. Avoid silly formatting mistakes like these above.

A happy reader can make you a happy writer.

-David Trottier

David Trottier has sold or optioned ten screenplays (three produced). He’s also helped hundreds of writers break into the writing business.

He is an award-winning teacher and in-demand script consultant, author of The Screenwriter’s Bible, and friendly host of keepwriting.com. He’ll save you from formatting mistakes – and embarrassment.

Jamie Campbell

Jamie Campbell is an author, screenwriter, and television addict.

Jamie is proud to be an Editor for The Story Department.

Her latest series Project Integrate is out now.

jamiecampbell.com.au

Don’t summarise

In action/description you should not use words or phrases suggesting that time goes by, e.g. “Eventually”, “minutes later”, “at the end of the game” etc. What is perfectly fine in a novel, can not be done in a script.

Why not?

First, it disguises the fact that nothing interesting happens on the screen during that time. For instance, the adverb “eventually,” suggests that the last described action continued for a while but there really isn’t anything interesting enough to be described.

Secondly, the summarizing of action distorts the general rule of ‘one page per minute’. If what you describe in two lines actually takes two minutes, the total page count of your script will give a completely misleading indication of the movie’s actual duration.

Thirdly, it may be unclear to the reader whether the action is continuous or what you want to see is an actual jump ahead in time.

What is perfectly fine in a novel,
can not be done in a script.

How to write it?

If you want to jump in time, the simplest way would be to use a new scene heading or a secondary slug such as “LATER”. Because this is only visible to the reader, you may have to describe how the different time of day will be visually represented on the screen. Showing a setting sun, or describing an EXT. establishing shot of your setting by NIGHT may not be an original way of showing the end of the day but it is visual and it is effective.

If in stead you don’t want to jump and you feel it is important to show a continuous passing of time, you need to describe what the viewers get to see on the screen during that time – and it better be dramatic.  In any case, you can not leave this to the imagination of the reader.

you may have to describe how
the different time of day will be
visually represented on the screen

Passing of time – Short

The following scene from “Collateral” by Stuart Beattie describes fourteen minutes in roughly four pages. This is successfully done through explicitly stating the duration of the trip at the beginning and the end.

Note that the fourteen minutes actually don’t take this long on the screen. It’s four pages, so it’s roughly four minutes. To the viewer, this suggests that time passes more quickly in this movie than in the – less exciting – real world. Isn’t that what we all want to achieve?

Within the dialogue we already establish where Max had been earlier that night, and where he is going in life. Twelve years.  Hardly temporary. Then BANG! Fourteen minutes have passed and we’ve formed a relationship between Vincent and Max.

This time lapse is also expressed visually throughout the scene.

Max starts the meter.

Vincent checks his watch.

Max heads for the 100 on-ramp.

Max's cab zooms across, heading out of downtown

Vincent closes his briefcase, checks his watch.

This gives the reader a sense of movement and we arrive at the end point very subtly,  without the use of descriptive words or unnecessary transitions to indicate the passing of time.

Passing of time – Long

The writers cleverly illustrate the passing of time at two points in the following scenes from the hilarious There’s Something About Mary.

Between the point where the Police Officer counts, and the Paramedic yelling out “We got a bleeder!”, we as the audience laugh as we associate the two moments and imagine what has happened in between. It could be very tempting for the writer to summarise this by using titles or simply suggesting time has passed. E.g. Two minutes later.

The second example is where Mary fades into the night, and we dissolve to Ted laying on the therapist’s couch.  The use of transition and the change of environment has already given us enough to know time has passed. However the character description, through action (See Action/Description: How detailed?) adds another layer to illustrate the AMOUNT of time that has lapsed.  Through the last few lines we gather that Ted is older and he is telling a story about his past.

How do you indicate that time flies in your script?

(with thanks to Vi Truong)

 photo credit: tibchris

If you found this tip useful, check out the Screenplay Checklist, an A-Z of commonly made mistakes by aspiring screenwriters.

Once you have written your screenplay, make sure you keep the reader hooked by eliminating all the errors that would distract from an enjoyable experience.

Check this 57p. list of errors and annoyances to perfect your spec script.

He meant screenwriters should keep scenes to what is essential to the story. No arrivals and departures, no meet & greet or chit-chat.

This is one of the fundamental rules in writing a scene, one which David Mamet has also been credited for. ‘Late’ usually means later than you imagine, so its wise to try and cut out as much as possible at the beginning and ask yourself if it still works. The later the better.

In the following example from Fight Club, the scene starts off with a gun shoved into the mouth of Edward Norton’s character. We are immediately connect with the scene and wonder how it happened and what will happen next.

As Hitchcock once said, drama is life with the boring bits cut out. So give the reader the essential, exciting bits of information in the least amount of words. As soon as the goal is achieved in the scene, get out.

I have this really beautiful shot that really must stay

Exceptions that deliberately break or bookend the flow of the action sometimes work at the beginning of an act or sequence.  You’ll hold a shot or scene longer when you want to give the audience a breather and you want to intentionally start re-building tension again.

In case you need this transition moment at the beginning or end of a scene, consider making it interesting by dramatising it or introducing something unusual, unique.

Here’s another prime example of leaving early and thus creating wonderful suspense.

In this scene from “The Dark Knight”, Jonathan and Christopher Nolan carefully finish the scene with unfinished business. A question unanswered. A massive conflict. Three men. Two halves of a broken cue. One survivor. Who will win? It also adds character to the Joker, showing how ruthless he is without ever mentioning a drop of blood.

However, unless it’s the final scene in the film, be sure to leave a question unanswered. This will engage the audience and urge them to ask what happens next. This creates movement, and it is important to have everything in your screenplay serve the movement in order to propel the story forward.

If you found this tip useful, check out the Screenplay Checklist, an A-Z of commonly made mistakes by aspiring screenwriters.

Once you have written your screenplay, make sure you keep the reader hooked by eliminating all the errors that would distract from an enjoyable experience.

Check this 12p. list of errors and annoyances to perfect your spec screenplay.

Only $4.99

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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A signature mistake of the beginning screenwriter is to introduce a suspenseful plot point and then to quickly defuse it with a resolution within the same scene or soon after.

In stead, the experienced screenwriter will milk the undercurrent of dramatic tension while feeding us exposition, introducing new plot strands or planting more obstacles.

In the Alejandro González Iñárritu’s “Babel” written by Guillermo Arriaga, we see two kids with a rifle aim at a tourist bus.

Somebody’s going to get hurt real bad.

This is at page eight. Arriaga does not take us back to the bus until page nineteen. We are sitting there waiting for that bullet to penetrate that bus window and hit some innocent.

Now we are at page nineteen.

Arriaga decides he wants to take us back to the bus. We see some old men sleeping peacefully. All is good in the world.

Then we see Susan Jones with her head against the window. I wouldn’t do that if I were her, because about ten pages ago we saw some lads with a gun and they’re aiming right towards the bus. But does she know that? What’s going to happen?

Well to find out I guess you’ll have to read on.

Think of ways to build anticipation to keep the reader at the edge of their seats. As Alfred Hitchcock once said, ‘There is no terror in a bang, only in the anticipation of it’.

Use the dramatic tension as an undercurrent for the story, while showing obstacles and reasons for a possible negative outcome.

If you found this tip useful, check out the Screenplay Checklist, an A-Z of commonly made mistakes by aspiring screenwriters.

Once you have written your screenplay, make sure you keep the reader hooked by eliminating all the errors that would distract from an enjoyable experience.

Check this 12p. list of errors and annoyances to perfect your spec screenplay.

Only $4.99

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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Next you decide what is important for the understanding of the scene and what should be left to the design team.

Finally: stay close to the 1 page per minute rule.

The first step may seem a bit lame but it really only is about staying aware of the fact that you need to stay as close as possible to the amount of detail needed. Not more, not less.

bottom line really is: give us enough detail so the reader and audience can visualize the scene and understand what will go on the screen.

So, how many more characters will there be?

At the beginning of the scene, we need to know what the situation is. Describe the room they’re in briefly. Is it modern or classic. Simple or ornate? Where are the characters? Do they all sit or stand?

Next, it would probably benefit this scene to describe some body language. How do the characters respond to the news? Do they put down their work? Sit straight?

ACTION vs. DESCRIPTION

Oh dear. If this were the first scene of the script, a professional reader would probably not make it to the ‘knock on the door’. The irony is that the opening is cluttered with seemingly useless detail but the essence of the scene is brushed over, rather than spelled out in dialogue.

Rejected.

It is important to describe the action rather than things stationary, unless the plot calls for it. If the slug line states we’re in a restaurant, we know there will be tables and chairs. We get it, so be economical. Give the reader just enough information and let them imagine the rest.

In the following example, Joseph Stefano, the writer of Alfred Hitchcock’s “Psycho” carefully describes the action, leaving the physical layout of the bathroom to the art director.

Using an active description like “down the side of the tub, running thick and dark along the porcelain, we see many small threads of blood” gives the reader a sense of action. After reading this excerpt from Psycho, I can almost guarantee next time you describe the dead girl to someone, you will refer to her eye as being “popped”. Find the exact word to match the appropriate action.

HIDE DESCRIPTION WITHIN ACTION

Through that paragraph the reader is focused on what is happening with the poor girl’s body, and probably won’t realize the writer sneaked in a description of the bathroom. This was done without giving the feeling of describing a still object.

Remember, we are describing things happening, not just things per se. That’s why we call it “movies”.

(with thanks to Vi Truong)

If you found this tip useful, check out the Screenplay Checklist, an A-Z of commonly made mistakes by aspiring screenwriters.

Once you have written your screenplay, make sure you keep the reader hooked by eliminating all the errors that would distract from an enjoyable experience.

Check this 12p. list of errors and annoyances to perfect your spec screenplay.

Only $4.99

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel!