Comments on: Logline it! – Week 17 https://www.thestorydepartment.com/logline-it-week-17/ Story. Screenplay. Sale. Fri, 16 Nov 2012 09:45:00 +0000 hourly 1 By: zivelli https://www.thestorydepartment.com/logline-it-week-17/#comment-1320 Fri, 16 Nov 2012 09:45:00 +0000 https://thestorydepartment.com/?p=25466#comment-1320 Prison Actually – I think what is evident from the judges feedback is that the constituents of the premise do not reveal a coherent structure or flow of events.
Is this a fairy tale, what happens once she’s rescued? Are they fugitives on the run or end up like Bonny & Clyde. What is the subtext here, he forsakes money for love?

Surprise – I would have to disagree with Phyllis’s feedback here, too often in feedback the personal film taste of the reviewer is imposed on the person receiving feedback. This could be a John Cleese ‘Faulty Towers’ setup, or a Peter Sellers comedy or even more mainstream Steve Carrell. I guess what’s not clear for me in the premise is how you would structure this for a film, it has promising conflict but is that because he is hiding secrets from his wife?

For both loglines to be clearer, my best feedback would be to quote Aaron Sorkin https://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/17/entertainment-us-stevejobs-film-idUSBRE84G1H320120517

“Drama is tension versus obstacle. Someone wants something, something is standing in their way of getting it.”

]]> By: Laura Brennan https://www.thestorydepartment.com/logline-it-week-17/#comment-1319 Thu, 15 Nov 2012 04:40:00 +0000 https://thestorydepartment.com/?p=25466#comment-1319 I think both premises sound inventive and fun. What I’d like to see (or hear) at the top of each one, right after the title, is what kind of film it is. For “Surprise” in particular, it could be a romantic comedy (“Micki + Maude”) or a black comedy (“Death at the Funeral”). Those are two completely different films that would interest completely different production companies. You don’t want to bait-and-switch – and ruin a contact – so be clear up front.

]]>