I am not familiar with Gary Goldstein’s teaching but Michael Hauge has indeed an excellent reputation and his book on pitching is a standard.

Still, I believe that my basic formula is more cinematic. In an Aristotelian way it focuses on the action and is more dynamic than the formula you quote, which sounds like merely a character description. My formula works for the screen as it includes the visible goal rather than the desire (visible or not) and it includes the inciting incident.

In INCEPTION Don Cobb’s desire is to see his kids again but the unique concept of this film is the goal he needs to achieve to get this: to implant an idea into someone’s dream. In THELMA AND LOUISE it is the women’s desire to become independent from the respective men in their lives but it is their goal to escape the police by fleeing to Mexico.

In my logline classes I go a lot further into the thinking behind this formula and in the Writer’s Development Kit, I expand to include theme, obstacles and antagonist.

My logline tests whether you have an inciting incident, which after 20 years in this industry I still find a crucial test.

The truth is, of course, that there is no formula for a GREAT logline. But the structural foundation of my logline makes sure you cover the essential story points and it is action-driven.

Check out https://storyseries.net. I am covering this on the first Saturday (4 June) and would like to invite you as a guest.

Cheers,

Karel

A [protagonist description] who [wants/desires/dreams] to [possess/acheive/become something interesting] despite [whatever critical opposition he or she faces].

E.g “A stuttering, unkept, loner fisherman wants to win the heart of the new bubbly blonde in town despite having to compete with the town’s suave, charismatic, Country Club prince.”

It is not only Michael Hague who preaches this. Gary Goldstein advises this basic model to his students as well.

More importantly than simply being the LA-preferred model, I think it emotively/empathically works better. As it places the protagonist first. Which is where he should be from an empathy and reader-identification point of view.

But, apart from that, I agree with Karel’s essential points.