Script Perfection

:: 42 Essential 3rd Act Twists:
:: Justice League Movie: Script Ready But Too Complicated
:: Seth Grahame-Smith Makes Everyone Look Lazy

Best of the Rest

:: Star Wars Stand-Alone Film Selects Weitz As Screenwriter
:: Edgar Wright Pens Oliver Twist Sequel Screenplay
:: Jurassic Park Was “By No Means a Sure Thing”
:: How American Sniper’s Scribe Survived His Own Tragedy
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With thanks to Cameron Pattison.

Jamie Campbell

Jamie Campbell is an author, screenwriter, and television addict.

Jamie is proud to be an Editor for The Story Department.

Her latest series Project Integrate is out now.

jamiecampbell.com.au

I have said before that the model you use to improve your screenwriting is your own choice.

At the end of the day it is all academic. Whatever works for you.

The Dept Revisited – A rerun of the best of the Story Dept.

A few things to consider before you take your pick:

First of all, whichever you choose, you will need to deliver the exact same turning points. In broad terms, these are the Inciting Incident, Turning Point One, Mid Point, Turning Point Two and Climax + Resolution.

In other words, the outcome of your story shouldn’t depend on the model you choose, but on your premise. The same premise should result in the same structure, irrespective of whether you think in three or four acts.

Otherwise the theory interferes with the result and this can’t be the idea.

Now, what IS the difference?

The four-act model equates to three acts with the middle act cut in two.

In many great stories, the objective as stated in Turning Point One changes at the mid point. In other words:

The mid point is not just a PLOT POINT, but a TURNING POINT.

Therefore you may argue we are moving into a new act.

A crystal-clear example is JAWS:

Act One: Amity has a shark problem.
Act Two: Brody tries to solve the problem by closing the beaches.

Mid Point: Brody realises his failure and decides to change tactics.

Act Three: Brody tries to solve the problem by hunting the shark.
Act Four: Brody kills the shark.

This results in four acts of roughly equal duration, which is kind of elegant.
The acts are also shorter and therefore more manageable, which helps.

I still prefer the three-act structure. Here’s why:

Great films have a strong cohesion in the main character’s journeys between Turning Point 1 and Turning Point 2. Cutting Act Two in the middle could cause a writer to ignore this cohesion.

In the example of JAWS, Brody has one over-arching desire: “to protect the people of Amity”. The Inner Journey, too, has a strong cohesion across Act Two: “to learn to act responsibly” (see the structural analysis of JAWS).

Although most great movies have this inner logic, it is often buried deep inside the essence of the character’s journey and not always clear through a simple analysis.

THE UNTOUCHABLES, however, is another great example. In structure and meaning it is not too dissimilar from JAWS:

Act One: Ness learns of the vicious methods of Capone.
Act Two: Ness tries to capture Capone.
Act Three: Ness tries to capture the bookkeeper.
Act Four: Ness captures the bookkeeper.

The over-arching desire, uniting Act Two and Three: “to protect the people of Chicago”. The Inner Journey: “to accept the Chicago way”.

Finally, another good reason to stick with the three-act structure is the fact that not all successful movies have such a strong reversal at the mid point.

Please let me know your views in the comments.

– Karel Segers

Karel Segers is a producer and script consultant who started in movies as a rights buyer for Europe’s largest pay TV group Canal+. Back then it was handy to speak 5 languages. Less so today in Australia.
Karel teaches, consults and lectures on screenwriting and the principles of storytelling to his 6-year old son Baxter and anyone who listens.
He is also the boss of this blog.

[this post was originally published on 9 September 2009 and selected for rerun by Adrian]

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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COMING SOON to the Story Department:

• Inception: Act Three breakdown
• MM on Sex in Screenwriting: Climax (& Resolution)
• Screenwriting Video of the week

With thanks to Sol.

Enjoy!

Karel

Hauge claims the Inner and Outer Journey run in parallel. I think he’s right, with one small caveat.

A gorgeous Sunday morning in a Manly cafe with a view on the ocean. Perfect circumstances to switch off.

Not if you’re me. I was pondering story structure. And suddenly I had this thought.

Think of a character’s journey as a journey of change. Nothing new so far.

If you look at both the Inner and Outer Journey of a film story as defined in terms of  ‘change’, you’ll see they are structured identically.

I remembered this review of HANCOCK, where the critic pointed out that early in the movie we realise Hancock is a character who needs redemption. He needs to change. Like Bill Murray’s character in GROUNDHOG DAY, Robert Downey Junior’s character in IRON MAN, Bob in THE INCREDIBLES or THELMA AND LOUISE. Or pretty much any hero in any successful movie. They’re all transformational.

In every movie with a character arc, first there is a more or less visible ‘need for change’.

In this first sequence of many successful films, we see the hero’s flawed behaviour. We understand: this character needs to change in order to find happiness, an emotional or psychological balance, to realise a full life.

Then the Inciting Incident happens. Almost always AFTER we understand the character’s inner problem, that ‘need for change’.

Pondering over this, I started mapping it out over the 3-Act time line and I came to an interesting conclusion: the character journey, whether it is Inner or Outer, has three stages:

1. the need for change (a situation of conflict)
2. the journey of change (obstacles and increased conflict)
3. the result of change (conflict resolved, new situation)

Let’s look how these three stages play out over the inner and outer journey:

INNER JOURNEY (that which brings change to the character’s behaviour)

1. the need for change: opening until inciting incident (halfway Act One)
2. the journey of change: from inciting incident until crisis (end Act Two)
3. the result of change: conflict resolved, new situation (halfway to end of Act Three)

OUTER JOURNEY (that which brings change to the world)

1. the need for change: inciting incident until end of Act One
2. the journey of change: from beginning of Act Two until Resolution
3. the result of change: from Resolution to end of movie

Stages 1. and 3. are much clearer in terms of their visible clues about the change. The second stage (mostly Act Two) is murkier. It is a gradual change, which is a matter of ups and downs, victories and defeats.

The 2nd act Inner Journey is largely defined by the mid point.

Because the Inner Journey is weaker in this act, the mid point (the “S” in the middle on the pic.) keeps the story in balance.

Let’s have a look what this would look like on the 3-Act time line:

The vertical lines are the act breaks, the crosses are Inciting Incident and Climax/Resolution.

So we can conclude the following:

Inner & Outer Journey are identical, only shifted in time.

The meaning of this timeshift is simply the following:

In order to get what s/he wants, the Hero must first transform.

It may not be a new view at story structure, but I haven’t seen this approach anywhere else.
Try it, it may work for you.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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The Untouchables has always been my favorite. De Palma turned the script into the most cinematic of Mamet’s writing.

SPOILER WARNINGS (ENTIRE ARTICLE)

Based on the 1959 TV series, this crime drama takes place during the Prohibition era. It follows the autobiographical accounts of Eliot Ness, played by Kevin Costner and fellow cop Jim Malone’s (Sean Connery) as they bring down Al Capone, played by the sly Robert DeNiro.

The opening scene features the quote “You can get further with a kind word and a gun than just a kind word.” These were Mamet’s own words, about the tough neighborhood he grew up in.

ACT ONE

SEQUENCE A: The Law of the Land (15mins)

00.00 Titles
02.30 Capone at the barber’s: 1930, Chicago is city at war.
03.00 Guns are necessary but violence is not good business.
05.00 Bomb kills girl at pub that doesn’t buy from Capone. (=Inc.Inc.)

06.30 Ness at home before work. Wife: You’ll make a good 1st impression.
08.00 Ness: Not just a showpiece program. The law of the land.
09.00 Briefing to the flying squad. Stop drinking! Canadian shipment: raid.
10.30 Preparing raid, waiting. Being married. Journo mistaken for gangster.
13.00 Raid fails. Pic with umbrella. (Capone has insider w/ Police =Call to Adventure)

SEQUENCE B: Hiring the Mentor and Allies (20mins)

15.30 Meeting Malone. First rule of law enforcement: go home alive.
19.00 Capone reads the news, satisfied, schadenfreude.
20.30 Dead girl’s mother comes to see him: You will put a stop to them.
22.30 Goes to visit Malone. He refuses the call. Beat cop, how can I help?
24.30 Ness goes home, listen to radio with wife.
25.30 Wallace: no Capone tax return since ’26. Malone comes in
26.30 Malone comes in. Let’s go; these walls have ears.
27.00 Malone: What are you prepared to do? All the way. The Chicago way.
28.30 Malone: Who can you trust. Afaid of rotten apple? Get it off the tree.
29.30 Shooting gallery: best shot? George Stone. Giuseppe Petri.
32.00 Ready to go to work? Four Untouchables leave Treas. Dept., armed.

33.00 Post Office raid. ‘To cross Capone’. Walk through this door. (=PP1/Crossing the Threshold)
34.30 Debrief with cigars. Saint of the Lost Causes. Photo.

ACT TWO

SEQUENCE C: Defying the enemy (10mins)

35.30 Capone: Baseball speech. Teamwork vs. going alone. Kills gangster.
38.00 Ness home.
39.30 Wallace: All Capone business is legitimate. He has no income.
40.00 John O’Shea. You guys are ‘untouchable’. Is that the thing?
42.00 Nitti: Nice to have a family. Take care nothing happens to them.
42.30 Eliot panics, runs inside.
43.00 Evacuation. / International shipment coming in.
44.30 Wallace: get him on tax evasion. How to link him to the money?

SEQUENCE D: Canadian Border (14mins)

45.30 Briefing at the Canadian border. Take the battle to them.

47.00 Malone’s: Wait and watch. -Are you my tutor? -Yes Sir. That I am.
49.00 Action on the bridge. Watching. Malone: Shoot to kill. Stone: Yes.
50.30 On horses. Early shot. Going in.
53.00 Malone captures gangster with paperwork. Wallace shows courage.
54.00 Ness kills gangster in self-defense. Malone: You rather it was you?
56.00 Questioning prisoner. Wallace has books. Prisoner doesn’t talk.

58.00 Malone shoots body. Mountie objects. Ness: Not from Chicago. (=Mid Point)

SEQUENCE E: Reversal – Touchables (8mins)

59.00 Capone: I want him dead.
59.30 At home. -Are you careful? -As mice. “The man who got Al Capone.”
60.30 Subpoena. Gangster in elevator w/ Wallace. D.I.: Nitti operates lift.
62.00 Ness & Malone: Nice to be married. -If you can stand the pain. Shots.
62.30 Elevator covered in blood: “Touchables.”
65.00 Chief Dorsett: Better not to get involved.

66.00 Ness to Capone’s hotel: Confrontation on the stairs.

SEQUENCE F: Sacrifices (15mins)

67.00 Regrouping. DA drops case without witness. Malone: stall the guy.
70.30 Bookkeeper will be going out of town.
71.00 Malone: need bookkeeper. Chief Dorsett: Dead man talking. Fight.
73.30 Ness stalls the DA.
74.00 Malone calls Stone: my place rightaway. Know where Payne is.
74.30 Capone: Somebody messes with me? I’m gonna mess with him.
75.30 D.I.: Nitti at Malone’s. Malone chases other man. Shot by Nitti.
79.00 Malone dying // Capone at Opera.

80.00 Ness at Malone’s. Train tables. -What are you prepared to do? (PP2/Ordeal)

ACT THREE

SEQUENCE G: The Train Station Steps (10mins)

82.30 Ness & Stone. Train leaving at 12.05h. We’ll be there.
83.00 11.55h Waiting. Woman with pram.
87.30 Ness helps woman. Gangsters appear.
88.30 Shot. Pram goes down. Shootout.

90.30 Mexican standoff. Stone takes out Payne’s guard.

SEQUENCE H: Is that Justice? (15mins)

92.00 Court: Payne admits disbursements to Capone. Nitti has gun.
95.00 Taking Nitti outside. Shoots at cop and runs.

97.00 Chase onto roof. Nitti provokes, Ness pushes. Nitti falls.
102.3 Stone gives Ness list of bribed jury members.
103.0 Judge looks at list. No evidence. Ness talks to judge in private. (=Climax/Resurrection)
104.3 Judge swaps juries. Capone objects. Judge overrules.

105.0 Capone’s lawyer: guilty. Never stop fighting till the fight is done.

Aftermath (4mins)

107.3 Newspaper clippings: “So much violence”.
109.3 Stone gives Ness Malone’s key. -He’d have wanted a cop to have it.
110.3 Journo: Going to repeal prohibition? Ness: Then I’ll have a drink.
111.3 The End.

When I find the time, I will elaborate on the Key Turning Points.

Meanwhile, please give me your feedback in the comments as I’m in two minds about the Inciting Incident / Call to Adventure. If the bomb explosion is the Inciting Incident, technically the mother of the child would be the Herald, calling Ness to his journey. On the other hand, it’s really when Ness realises the police is not to be trusted that he reverts to his Mentor for advice, which will lead him to the journey.

I know all of this is academic and the first act works a treat because it’s clear the odds are stacking up against Ness in a big way; his world is not as rosy and controllable as he thought it were.

The device of the photographs to emphasise important moments lures me into thinking these are really the key turning points. In this case, the Inciting Incident and the Call to Adventure are one and the same: the moment Ness realises he’s looking like a fool with that umbrella and he needs to do something about it.

Your feedback, please!

(with thanks to Solmaaz Yazdiha)

See also:

• The Untouchables – The Mid Point(s)
• The Untouchables – Hiring the Mentor
  

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

Here’s my weekly selection from the blogosphere. Feel free to recommend anything or give your feedback in the Questions and Comments below.

And don’t forget you can subscribe to our posts so you don’t miss any of this, ever.

• Robert McKee goes Campbell: Culture makes no difference
• “CUT TO:” – Cut it out.
• Final Draft adds highlighting – Easier PDF.
• Emily confused about Happy Endings. WTF is wrong with them?
• You can’t proceed without a PLAN: the crucial plot element
• How to write good characters: observation and mimicry
• Know bad writing so there’s no bad writing
• Breakdown of Indie “The Dinner Party”, writing lessons applied
• The Climax: finding the hero on villain turf
• More hypocrisy in our industry: 10 noms for Ward’s ugly egg
• Do’s and Don’ts for your spec script
• Don’t turn the lights out on your story: writing scenes in blacknessCOMING SOON to the Story Department:

• Structural breakdown of THE UNTOUCHABLES (Monday night midnight)
• Paul Gulino: Screenwriting, the Deadline Approach.

Enjoy!

Karel

It is also the #1 movie I will never forgive myself for not seeing in the theaters at the time of release. It’s in my Top 10 of all-time favourites and a strong reference movie in almost all my story classes.

ACT ONE

Prologue: The Glory Days & Wound (11mins)

00.00 TV interview: The Incredibles about their secret identities.
02.00 Mr Incredible called to the rescue, but saves the cat first.
04.30 Meets with Elastigirl on rooftop – “prior engagement”.
05.30 Bob saves man from suicide attempt, he’s not happy.
06.30 Bob stops Bomb Voyage, Incrediboy complicates matters.
09.00 Bob marries Elastigirl: she needs more than Mr. Incredible.
10.00 Superheroes are sued by suicidal: relocation program.

Sequence A: The Ordinary Life (9mins)

11.00 15 years later: Insurance clerk, warned to stop writing cheques.
13.00 After Helen sees headmaster, Dash told to be like everyone else.
15.30 Violet is shy. Always trying to be invisible. Boy looked at her!
16.00 Bob comes home, frustrated. Neighbour’s boy sees him.
16.30 Dinner: they all use their powers, Bob is not in control.
18.30 Robert reads paper: Advocate of superhero rights is missing.
19.00 Frozone calls: Wednesday, it’s bowling night.
19.30 Violet: What does anybody know about normal?

Sequence B: Secrets, Lies & Inciting Incident (14mins)

20.00 Frozone: What if we did what our wives think we’re doing?
20.30 Mirage: “He’s not alone”.
21.00 Fire rescue, escape into into jewellery shop, police catches them.
23.00 Helen: Uprooting our family to be a superhero is not good.
26.00 Boss cross: customers are experts, Bob has enough, loses it.
28.30 Boss in hospital. Relocator offers to help Bob & family.
30.00 Invitation from Mirage: Do great things. 24 hours to respond.
32.30 Lying to Helen: sent to conference. Accepting Mirage’s call.

ACT TWO A

Sequence C: Living the Dream again (12mins)

34.00 Mirage gives Bob instructions, he arrives on the island.
36.00 Bob fights the robot, terminates it. Mission accomplished.
38.30 Invited to dinner with Mirage; everything is delicious.
39.30 Montage sequence: Bob is loving the great new life.
41.00 Bob asks stylist E to repair suit; she will design new supersuit.
44.00 New assignment: Bob keeps lying to Helen.

Sequence D: Things are not what they seem (7mins)

45.00 Flying to island, nice to be back, Mirage. Briefing for 2pm.
47.00 Helen finds patched suit, calls Edna. You come in 1 hour I insist.
48.00 Bob’s meeting: I’m Syndrome, your biggest fan. You work alone.
50.30 Syndrome tries to kill Bob, he jumps in water.
51.00 Bob finds dead super Gazerbeam. “K R O N O S”
51.30 Tracers trying to find Bob: terminated.

ACT TWO B

Sequence E: Approach to Syndrome’s HQ (9mins)

52.00 E shows Helen her work: we are retired! Do you know where he is?
55.00 Removing the guards, going in.
57.30 Bob learns that the Supers are dead.
58.00 Helen finds out Bob left company, he’s  been lying.
59.30 Locator betrays Bob. Bob caught in Blobs.
60.00 E to Helen: go, fight, win!

Sequence F: Bob in the Cave / Family to the rescue (9mins)

61.00 Helen gets ready, Dash sees outfits. Calling Snug.
62.30 Helen & kids flies gov. jet, missile attack on approach.
63.30 Bob chained – Syndrome shows up.
67.30 Helen saves the kids. Get a grip!
68.30 Bob threatens to kill Mirage, doesn’t do it. S: You’re weak!
70.00 Helen to kids: use your powers. I’ll be back by morning.

Sequence G: FINDING BOB (9mins)

72.30 Mirage: Next time you gamble, bet your own life.
73.30 Helen goes into HQ, using her Elastigirl powers.
76.00 Dash: I’m gonna look around.
77.30 Rocket launch: Dash & Vi run.
78.30 Dash & Vi discovered. They have to run.
79.30 Mirage tells Bob his family is alive. Helen finds the two.

Sequence H: REUNION IN THE CAVE (7mins)

82.00 Dash runs & fights & runs.
83.30 Bob & Helen // Violet disappears, Dash to the rescue.
85.00 Family reunion.
85.30 S appears. Captures them, shows what the robots do. “I’m real”
87.30 Bob apologises, Violet releases them, escaping.

ACT THREE

Sequence I: Threshold Sequence (5mins)

88.00 To the rocket, Mirage helps
89.00 Frozone getting ready
90.00 Syndrome “saves baby” but can’t stop robot.
91.00 Incredibles arrive with bus.

Sequence J: INCREDIBLES vs. SYNDROME (8mins)

93.00 Robot attacks them.
94.00 Frozone helps. Bob has the remote control.
97.00 Taking out the robot.
97.30 Syndrome still around
98.00 New hope for the supers.
99.00 Kari (babysit) calls: thanks for replacement – S
99.30 Jack-Jack’s special powers. Bob throws Helen.
100.30 S in turbine / Violet protects them.

Sequence J: THE INCREDIBLE(S) TEAM (3mins)
101.30 3 months later: Tony & Violet / Dash comes close second
102.30 The Underminer: they all get ready to work together.

THE HERO’S JOURNEY

In a prologue full of beautifully dramatised exposition, we meet Bob, Helen, Frozone and Incrediboy. We learn about the role of the Supers and their fall – or Bob’s ‘wound’.

ACT ONE

The Ordinary World for Bob doesn’t start until after the prologue, “15 Years Later”. It is literally an ‘ordinary’ world and he has a strong longing to swap this life for something more exciting. This stage extends for two sequences, in which we see Bob’s boring day job as well as his exciting secret night escapades.

But he is a flawed hero. He lies to his wife and hates his job. He is blamed of not doing his fatherly duties. This Hero is ready for change.

The Call to Adventure comes with the message from Mirage, the Herald and Shapeshifter who seduces Bob into a adventure that promises exactly what Bob has been lacking in his life.

After hardly any Refusal, Bob crosses the Threshold and accepts Mirages offer. Again he lies to Helen, saying he’s off to a conference.

ACT TWO

The typical pitfalls of a second act are overcome by using a solid sequential structure and by interweaving Bob’s journey with that of his family. In the middle of the act sits a powerful Mid Point Reversal, which accelerates the Hero’s Inner Journey and gives his Outer Journey a new direction.

The first half of Act Two consists of a number of Tests for Bob, leading to his first assignment, which Bob completes effortlessly. So in a way this assignment can be seen as just another ‘test’ in the journey. Bob is loving his new life. But he’s still living the lie, so a reversal is looming. Going back to the island, he is to meet with with his employer but instead he is attacked by a robot and for the first time, he finds himself face to face with Syndrome, his Shadow.  It turns out he has created this shadow by rejecting (his need for a) Buddy. In order to resurrect as the transformed Hero, Bob will not only need to defeat Syndrome, but take on the very character quality Buddy/Syndrome represented: team spirit.

Although The Incredibles never FEELS formulaic, it ticks all the boxes of the Journey, including the almost cliche’d beat of the Mid Point: the Leap of Faith. To escape his enemy, Bob dives off the cliff (Butch & Sundance style) into the water below. Seconds later, the reversal is complete when he learns the full truth about Syndrome and the fate of the Supers by discovering the meaning of “KRONOS”.

The next sequence is a typical Approach to the Inmost Cave, i.e. trying to get into Syndrome’s HQ. There, Mr Incredible will face his lowest point when he is chained in the cave, first alone, then together with his family.

The traditionally melodramatic Ordeal scene is peppered with mild sarcasm,  when Dash cuts into Bob’s redemption speech and Helen says: “Shhht! Don’t interrupt…”

Brad Bird shows again how you can use a template like the Hero’s Journey and use it in an original way: the Reward is shown BEFORE the Ordeal, as we see on a big screen what Syndrome is up to. So the Incredibles know where to go and what to do once they’re out of their predicament. It makes the transition more fluid than in many movies, where the Reward magically – and quite randomly – appears immediately after the redemption.

ACT THREE

The Road Back ‘Threshold Sequence’ is a fully fledged chase sequence back to the Ordinary World, including running, flying and driving.Technically you can argue that this sequence belongs nor in Act Two (Special World) nor Act Three (Ordinary World) but I place it in Act Three because it happens after the Hero is ready to confront the Shadow. The race to the mainland is in effect the first action after the 2nd Act Turning Poing (PP2 or Ordeal/Reward).

Back on the main land, the family engages with Syndrome. The subplot of Jack-Jack and the babysit leads into the final showdown and Syndrome’s demise pays off the setup about the caped Super-costumes. Delightful.

In a brief Elixir-sequence, Dash finally  gets his chance to shine and Violet shows her regained self-esteem. In the final scene of the movie we see how the Incredibles will continue their lives.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

by Karel Segers

I still believe it is a wonderful independent film, well-structured and beautifully written. Usually I am not a fan of mannered dialogue but here, this stylistic trademark is delivered really well by Juno’s strong cast.

Update 1 May 2012: Following some good suggestions from readers, I have changed the Inciting Incident from Bleeker’s line “Do whatever you think is right” to what it is now. Thank you all for the comments and suggestions!

ACT ONE

Sequence A: One doodle that can’t be undid.

00.30 “AUTUM” Juno drinks juice. “It started with a chair.”
01.00 Flashback to the conception.
01.30 Opening Titles.
04.00 Third urine pregnancy test, Juno still won’t accept result.
05.00 There’s that pink “+” sign again.
05.30 Juno hangs a a candy noose off a tree, then eats it.
06.30 Juno calls best friend Leah to tell her. Disbelief. “Lunch baby?”
07.30 Juno with Leah, trying to figure out what to do.
08.30 FlashBack to how it started: Spanish Class
09.00 Bleeker getting ready to run.
09.30 Juno with Bleeker: Do whatever you think is right.
11.00 At school with Bleeker: they seem a pretty good match.
13.30 Juno calls for abortion info.
14.30 Juno VO about her past, mother and stepmum Bren.
16.00 Su-Chin: “All babies want to get borned”.

Sequence B: Crisis of conscience.

17.00 At WOMEN NOW: form to complete, free condom offered.
18.30 Juno waits, gets an anxiety attack and leaves.
19.00 With Leah: considering to adopt it out.
20.00 Reading adoption ads in the park: Mark & Vanessa sound good.
21.00 Bleeker at home, his mother doesn’t like Juno.
22.00 Juno tells her parents about the problem and her adoption plan.

25.00 Dad: Not ready to be a Pop-Pop. Mum: You know it wasn’t his idea.

ACT TWO

Sequence C: Mark and Vanessa Lohring.

26.00 Driving there with dad.
27.00 Meeting Mark, who is cool & Vanessa who is highly strung.
28.00 Decision for a closed adoption. Mark isn’t too excited.
31.00 Juno, on the way to the toilet, checks out the house.
32.00 Juno bumps into Mark, they bond over a Les Paul guitar & music.
33.30 Vanessa goes upstairs when she hears Mark singing: reprimands him.
34.30 Vanessa is insecure but Juno is 104% sure she will go ahead.

Sequence D: Will Vanessa be a good mum?

36.00 WINTER – Bleek is running & questioned about stuff by classmate.
36.30 Bleek offers Juno to skip his movie party and join for the ultrasound.
37.30 Ultrasound nurse insults Juno, Bren retorts fiercely.
40.00 Juno visits Mark to show scans, they bond.
43.00 J. & M. listen to Sonic Youth, watch horror, talk about baby’s name.
46.30 Vanessa shows lots of baby stuff, mentions a ‘cold feet’ experience.
48.00 Bren thinks Juno has crossed a boundary by dropping by at M. & V.’s.
49.30 Visiting Bleeker; he plans for the future, wants to get back together.
52.30 POV: Mark & Vanessa have different views about preparations.

54.00 At the mall: Juno & Leah see Vanessa, who seems a good future mum.
55.00 They meet Vanessa, who feels the baby kick.

Sequence E: Will Mark be a (good) father?

57.00 “SPRING” Bleeker is running, Bren is sewing stretch pants for Juno.
58.00 Calling Mark, they chat and bond over music and learning.
58.30 Leah tells about Bleeker & Katrina for prom. Juno doesn’t believe it.
60.00 Juno argues with Bleeker over Katrina.
63.00 Putting on lipstick, to Mark: he shows pregnant superhero cartoon.
63.30 Mark & Juno dance. M. says he’s leaving V. Juno is in shock.
67.00 Vanessa arrives, asks what’s wrong; Mark admits he has cold feet.

70.00 Juno drives off, pulls over, cries.
72.00 Bleekers plays the guitar // Juno writes a note.
72.30 Mark & Vanessa talk about divorce and lawyers.
73.30 Juno delivers her note to Mark & Vanessa.

74.30 Juno asks her dad about true love and happiness. He gives advice.

ACT THREE

Sequence F: I’m still in.

77.30 “Tic-tac-o-holic”. Mysterious delivery at night.
78.00 Bleeker finds tictacs. Juno visits him on the running track. Kisses him.
80.30 Water brakes.
81.00 Contractions, Juno begs for ‘spinal tap’.
81.30 Birth.
82.00 Bleeker running.
82.30 Juno with dad in hospital: You’ll be back – on your terms!
83.00 Bleeker visits, lies with Juno.
84.00 Vanessa visits to see the baby.
85.00 The note to Vanessa: “If you’re still in, I’m still in”.

Sequence G: Bleeker and Juno

85.30 SUMMER – Juno on bike, VO about Bleeker as a top boyfriend.
86.30 Playing the guitar together.

INCITING INCIDENT

Juno’s realisation of her pregnancy seems a very early Inciting Incident. Because of the repeated urine tests, it almost passes as a ‘normal life’ situation for this story. Why then IS it the Inciting Incident? Because Juno MUST act. Her life has changed irreversibly and she’s got to do something about it.

Twenty minutes of screen time pass between Juno’s realisation and the end of Act One. Why does this work? Possibly because of the sequential structure.

The first sequence is much less about the realisation of being pregnant than it is about the question ‘who is going to help me’? Until Bleeker says “Do whatever you think is right”, she is still trying to get the solution from others. After this, she knows she will have to come up with the answer.

What follows is still a 15mins long ‘think-think’ sequence. This works fabulously, because it leaves us all with the nagging moral question “what would I do?”. Because of the depth of the dilemma, it takes a certain amount of time for our heroine to properly consider these options.

Once she has decided, she puts her plan to her parents and with their blessing, Juno has an objective for Act Two.

MID POINT

While Juno’s Outer Objective is about responsibly carrying the baby, the strongest Inner Journeys are really Vanessa and Mark’s. Their behaviours display flaws that may impact on their parenthood: Vanessa acts highly strung and Mark appears strangely blasé about it all. Act IIa asks “is Vanessa a suitable mother?” and Act IIb gradually shows Mark to be unfit as a father.

Although Mark and Vanessa’s journeys are gradual and they evolve throughout Act Two, the shopping mall sequence / mid point is a powerful connection point for two reasons: 1) for Juno it answers the question whether Vanessa is really suitable to raise her child and 2) it will give Juno the strength to proceed once Mark bails out.

CRISIS/REWARD

The end of Act Two usually consists of two parts: the down part (Mark bailing out) and an up part (Dad offering hope). In this film it is executed in an extraordinary way as we will learn that Juno had made up her mind before getting her dad’s advice. While we are watching the film it seems as if she finds the strength from this conversation. When we finally get to see Juno’s note to Vanessa “If you’re still in, I’m still in”, we learn that the Act Two of her Inner Journey had completed before we saw it. This is consistent with the principle that the hero usually only gets ahead of the audience towards the second half of the movie.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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Here is an attempt to analyse the structural dynamics of this wonderful screenplay and film.

ACT ONE

SEQUENCE A (8.5mins): Preparations.

00.00 Opening Titles: Landscapes that express freedom.
02.00 At diner, Louise is serving & advises against smoking, then smokes.
03.00 Thelma at home, hasn’t asked husband yet for permission to leave.
03.30 Darryl patronises Thelma, humiliates her, she still doesn’t ask.
04.30 Darryl leaves in sportscar, shouts at workmen.
05.00 T. calls L.. After the manager’s innuendo, they arrange their departure.
06.00 Louise leaves, montage shows both getting ready.
07.00 Louise picks up Thelma, who carries half household with her. Polaroid.

SEQUENCE B (13mins): Departure and disaster.

08.30 Driving. T.: I didn’t ask. L.: You get what you settle for (i.e. Darryl).
09.30 Thelma is smoking, looking in the mirror: “I’m Louise.”
10.30 Dusk, Silver Bullet, going to have fun. Different responses to Harlan.
13.30 Louise is reserved, it makes Thelma nervous. Harlan shouts drinks.
15.00 Dancing, line dancing. Thelma dances with Harlan.
16.30 Louise back to table, Thelma keeps dancing. Louise wants to leave.
17.30 Thelma is unwell, they go outside. Louise is looking for Thelma.
18.30 Harlan: Not gonna hurt you. T. resists. He hits her and attempts rape.

19.30 Louise appears with gun. “Suck my dick”. She shoots. (I.I.)

SEQUENCE C (11mins): Figuring out what to do.

21.30 They escape. L. blames T. for her behaviour. Police won’t believe them.
22.30 Louise vomits. Trucks & noise everywhere. Let’s have a coffee & plan.
24.00 They try and figure out what to do. Thelma calls Hal. Nobody home.
25.30 Detective Hal with waitress: Harlan deserved it! She defends T&L.

27.30 No money. Need to figure out what to do.
28.30 They argue. Go to police? Not ready to go to jail.
29.30 T. at the pool, L. calls Jimmy for money. Do you love me?
31.30 L. & T. leave in a hurry. They have decided to run. (PP1)

END OF ACT ONE: The decision has been made to go on the run.

ACT TWO

SEQUENCE D ( 8.5mins): Organising money.

32.30 Hal’s boss: Possibly interstate. Let the FBI in on this.
33.00 Louise: Let’s go to Mexico. Are you up to this? I’m going.
34.30 L. calls Jimmy. He will send the money. I miss you, Peaches.
36.00 T. calls Darryl, he’s watching a game, judging but not concentrating.
39.00 Young handsome JD asks for a lift. Thelma is keen, Louise says no.

SEQUENCE E (10.5mins): To Oklahoma for the money pick-up.

41.00 Hal is on the case, looks up Louise’s car: ’66 Ford Thunderbird.
41.30 Louise doesn’t want to Mexico go through Texas.
43.00 Hal is investigating at Louise’s place.
43.30 Thelma and Louise are enjoying the ride.
44.00 Detective Hal is investigating at Louise’s Diner.
44.30 They see JD again; Thelma begs to pick him up. Louise gives in.

45.00 Detective Hal interviews Darryl, who is more concerned about himself.
46.00 JD to T.: Your husband sounds like a real asshole. T: he is. They bond.
47.00 JD warns them, they avoid an approaching police car.
47.30 Hal has info on Thelma’s gun etc.
48.30 They go to pick up the money. Jimmy is there, he books rooms.
50.00 JD leaves them and each go to their rooms. L. to T.: Guard the money.

SEQUENCE F (16mins): Mid Sequence, cross-cut.

51.30 Jimmy is jealous & violent. He calms down and proposes to her.
54.00 JD knocks on door. T invites him in. They have fun and make love.
1.00.0 Over breakfast Louise and Jimmy kiss goodbye.
1.04.3 T. arrives: Finally got laid properly. Left money in the room. Run!

1.06.0 Money gone. Louise breaks down. End of Thelma’s innocence.
1.07.0 T. cheers L. up, takes control and drives. Move! (MPR)

SEQUENCE G (10.5mins): Thelma has found her calling.

1.07.3 Hal & Co with Darryl. When she calls, be gentle. Women love that shit.
1.10.0 Thelma robs Store. Drive us to Mexico.
1.11.0 FB: This is a robbery // Hal & Darryl watching. Everybody is shocked.

1.12.3 Thelma brags about her robbery. Found your calling. You’re Disturbed.
1.14.0 Sexist truck driver. They think we like it.
1.15.0 Police now with Jimmy.
1.16.0 Louise with old man, gives him her jewellery.
1.17.0 L.: murder one, little defense. T.: How do you know all these things?

SEQUENCE H (8mins): Fugitives.

1.18.0 Hal blames T.’s robbery on JD. They wouldn’t have otherwise.
1.22.0 Thelma calls Darryl. He knows. L. calls, asks for police.
1.23.3 Hal knows about Mexico. T. talked. L. angry: We’re Fugitives now.

SEQUENCE I (11.5mins): Speeding towards Mexico.

1.26.0 Darryl with cops changes channel, annoys cops, changes back.
1.26.3 Driving through National Park by night.
1.28.3 Dawn. Passing sexist trucker.
1.31.0 T.: Texas. You was raped. L.: I’m not talking about that.
1.32.0 Stopped by cop: clocked at 110km/h. In trouble.

1.34.3 Thelma with gun, shoots radio. They put cop in trunk.
1.37.0 Thelma: I’ve got a knack for this shit.

SEQUENCE I (5.5mins): Dead or alive.

1.37.3 Hal: Brains only get you so far & luck always runs out.
1.38.0 Louise has doubts & regrets. Thelma justifies. Having fun, not sorry.
1.39.0 L. calls Hal: charge w/ murder;knows about Texas. Dead or alive?
1.41.3 Not giving up. Not making any deals. Dead or alive. (PP2)

END OF ACT TWO: Their fate has been sealed. T.’s arc complete.

ACT THREE

SEQUENCE J (6.5mins): Revenge.

1.43.0 Thelma feels awake.
1.44.0 They see macho trucker again. Ready to get serious? Yes.
1.46.0 They ask for an apology. Fuck that! They shoot, truck explodes.

1.48.3 Drive on.

SEQUENCE K (8.5mins): Freedom at last

1.49.3 (POV) Stoned bicycle rider, smoke into air hole.

1.50.3 Police helicopter: closing in.
1.51.3 Police cars chasing them, they go off the road. Cars follow.
1.54.0 Temporarily shake them off under bridge. Eerily quiet.

1.54.3 Thelma: crazy, first chance to express yourself.
1.56.0 They reach the edge of a cliff: Grand Canyon. Hal appears in heli.

1.57.3 Surrounded. Hal lands. Orders to surrender.
1.58.3 Louise: not giving up. Thelma: let’s keep going. (C&R)
2.00.0 They drive, hal runs.

I.I.: Inciting Incident (or Call to Adventure)
PP1: Plot Point 1 (Act 1 Turning Point / Crossing the 1st Threshold)
MPR: Mid Point Reversal
PP2: Plot Point 2 (Act 2 Turning Point / Ordeal & Reward)
C&R: Climax & Resolution (Resurrection)

PROTAGONIST

In my view, Thelma is the protagonist, for the following reasons:

1. She is prominent in the setup and we empathise/sympathise with her.
2. We may hope that she will become less submissive and find freedom.
3. Her story has a clear Inciting Incident (a major event happening to her).
4. She has a clear Mid Point Reversal.
5. She has a clear character arc.

Interestingly, if you look at Thelma’s story in isolation, the first half (before the Mid Point Reversal) she is a passive protagonist, mostly just following Louise. Only after that, she becomes an active protagonist. This passivity is counteracted by Louise’s initiative until the Mid Point.

ACT STRUCTURE

The Inciting Incident is clear: two major events happen to Thelma: Harlan’s rape attempt and Louise’s shooting Harlan. Although Louise later argues that Thelma started it because of her behaviour, Thelma’s actions are two degrees away from the Inciting Incident (Harlan’s death) that kicks off the story. Therefore, this is clearly an event happening to Thelma, not an action by her.

This leaves Thelma with the necessity to act.

The 1st Act Turning point is more problematic: Louise takes the initiative, Thelma agrees by following her. After a period of considering their options, they have decided to go on the run. Although the destination won’t be known until later, Act Two is now set in motion. In my view, this act break is reinforced by the next scene in which we learn the FBI will be on the case. This increasing of the stakes by showing the antagonist’s power is a frequently used technique to open Act Two.

The Mid Point Reversal is at the same time a reversal of fortune (loss of the money) and proof of Thelma’s change of heart. She is now committed to her inner journey towards finding her true identity (or essence) and freedom. Two events trigger this: her first fulfilling sexual experience and the realisation that she has failed to take responsibility by constantly relying on Louise. The evidence in her commitment lies in two immediate actions: she drives the car and robs the store.

The crisis occurs when they learn about the major setback that Hal knows where they are heading and he will charge them with murder. It is a crisis moment for both women: Louise has doubts and regrets, so Thelma has to make a choice. Her newly found strength is the Reward, as well as the fact that Louise hasn’t made a deal with the police. It is a strong Ordeal moment as 1) the image of death occurs when they realise it is now a matter of life or death and 2) it signifies the death of Thelma’s old identity.

At the climax, two important actions take place: 1) Thelma demonstrates her new strength when she stands up for herself in the confrontation with the sexist truck driver and 2) by saying “Let’s keep going” she commits to her new principles with her life and seals it with the ultimate act of defiance.

POINT OF VIEW

After the characters have been set up, every scene has the hero (Thelma) or the antagonist (Harlan/the police), except perhaps one or two.

Any scenes that are not told from Thelma’s POV either add to the jeopardy (as the police makes progress) or they provide comic relief (the black cyclist blowing smoke into the trunk with the cop in it).

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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And I see why it is not getting the word of mouth it deserves.

My take on the film is primarily from a broad story perspective. I don’t go into dialogue, performance, SFX etc. because I believe they are secondary and ultimately not decisive for the success of the film.

PUSHING IT: ACT STRUCTURE

In my view, Luhrman and Beattie have knowingly taken a few risks. The main one is the four-act structure. Here I mean: four acts according to the traditional three-act model. Not three acts with the second cut in two.

Both the drover and Sarah have a clear four-act journey. Their first objective is to get the cattle to Darwin, which spans most of the film. As a ‘road movie’, it works fabulously to my taste and it is in the second act that the film has its best moments, including some instant-classic scenes such as the cattle stampede threatening Nulla.

Ironically, the expectation of a traditional three-act structure is reinforced by the death of Flynn, perfectly halfway Act Two.

Then, when they reach Darwin and succeed in their objective, a new objective is set for the next act: the return to Faraway Downs. Here is where the structure begins to collapse. Where we had an instinctive feeling we were moving towards the end of the movie, we have exactly one more hour to go.

Act Three climaxes in the realisation that Nulla is in danger and drover decides to save him. The final act is the rescue of Nulla.

UNDERESTIMATED: POINT OF VIEW

The only other major potential problem is the multiple point of view (POV). Each POV has a serious problem.

The film is told through Nullah, Sarah and Drover.

Nullah’s story is that of the stolen generation: he is trying to stay out of the hands of those who want to take him away from his community.
This story is scattered across the movie and it doesn’t really have the power to span the entire film, to keep the three hours together. When we are in Nullah’s POV though, we all empathise with him because we understand this is a struggle for freedom, a basic human instinct. When sifting through the hundreds of promotional photo’s on australiamovie.net, the photo above is the only one I could find of Nullah. It says a lot about how important the filmmakers see this character and his story.

Sarah’s journey does a better job in tying the movie together, for at least three acts. In order to save her cattle station, she and the drover must undertake an epic cattle drive to Darwin. On the way, she falls in love with him. We empathise with Sarah, because we understand her journey, too. Because of the love journey, she is probably the most powerful POV in the movie. Everybody accepts her falling in love with the drover as he represents masculinity, freedom, her future.

Drover’s POV is more problematic. He wants to help Sarah, then falls in love with her. Here is the problem. Sarah Ashley is portrayed as a completely undesirable female. She is uptight, annyoing and sometimes plain naive. Who would desire such a woman, when you can get much better? I don’t believe many audience members would therefore identify with the Drover.

Looking at the three options, Sarah is the most likely character to identify with. After all, Hugh is a desirable male! I would like to see a breakdown of the demographics in terms of audience reception for Australia. It wouldn’t come as a big surprise if it turns out to be a chic flic.

MINOR ISSUES

Like most other good but not great movies, if you drill down you’ll find a lot of issues that keep you from fully participating.

Towards the end of the movie, I was getting totally annoyed by the mind-numbing repetition of the WIZARD OF OZ theme “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”. The original score of Australia is strong enough, there was no need to revert to this blatant recycling. A film’s identity gets lost when it has to rely on references to other movies to get a point across.

Finally, I found the visual style gorgeous until the arrival in Darwin, where things got completely out of control. Effects became totally in-your-face, unnecessary and plain badly executed. Luhrman had almost created a timeless classic piece of cinema, but in the last two acts he blows it.

That said, I enjoyed AUSTRALIA. The word of warning about its length did help me, as I gave it the time and space it needed.

And about the fascinating heated discussions after posting an article from the SMH and one from The Guardian on my Facebook page and Jason Gordon’s article on the Story Department Group at the end of last year, I would like to say the following: I am a Belgian and I look at Australia’s history with a certain level of neutrality. I find it hypocritical of a nation to say sorry but continue to celebrate Australia Day on 26 January. But I don’t have a desire to see social, political and historical issues resolved in the cinema.

In my view, despite its failure to appeal to the mass audience, AUSTRALIA is still one of the most entertaining Australian films of the decade.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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