loglines – The Story Department

This ‘new look’ thing seems a bit out of character for me. I mustered the courage before going into a 10-day meditation retreat – where I didn’t expect anyone would know me. I expected wrong. After the experiment with super-short hairdo and lack of facial hair, I’m now back to (fairly) normal. Other changes have stayed, like getting up before sunrise every morning. You should try it – it is totally awesome.

So here I am with a rare, more personal kind of article. I’ve tried to start a regular thing like this before – but was too shy, too much of a perfectionist – or probably just not good enough a writer to stick to it on a weekly basis.

But after a few inspiring chats with my team members last week, we have a plan for a regular Saturday post.

And lots more.

My role model during the last ten days of 2012.

The Future And The Past

My Facebook friends witnessed how last year was quite amazing in that I had tons of fun teaching and consulting. I’ve worked on my biggest projects ever, with wonderful people. One project involves the director of Australia’s most successful film of recent years.

So not much blogging in there.

Now I’m staring 2013 in the face… and suddenly last year pales in comparison, both in terms of work volume and scope. I’ll be teaching at 5 different places in Sydney and after trips to Asia and the Middle East, this year for the first time I’m going back to my European roots to lecture in Sweden. And I’m working on some very exciting projects.

Still, I’ll try to update you here every month.

I do want to get back into writing about the craft of screenwriting again, too. My study of movie structure and screenplays and the work with my clients have given me a some insights I have not read about anywhere else and I would love to share them with you.

One Hundred Articles – One Great Team

Behind the scenes of this blog, 100 draft posts are waiting to be developed and published. For some other bloggers this may not seem so much but for me, who has only posted a handful of articles over the past year, it’s pretty intimidating. I’ve made a commitment to ship more often this year.

The most exciting thing of all is that I have an amazing team behind me to start this year, and I would like to introduce the five members of the core team to you:

Jamie Campbell: She is a novelist, blogger and screenwriter from sunny Queensland, who has taken the role of Co-Editor. Jamie has been helping me for quite a while to make The Story Department the best website on screenwriting in the Southern Hemisphere. Jamie runs Tuesday’s Guest Posts as well as Sunday’s Best Of The Web.

Jamie Wynen: This young man has talents coming out of his ears. He is an excellent writer and equally gifted behind the camera. Jamie collects the best videos on screenwriting, storytelling for the screen or filmmaking in general and presents them to you on Wednesdays. If only he would write more posts himself as his insight and style are both terrific.

James Michael: Like Jamie, I met James during a screenwriting course in which he excelled in terms of story originality and scriptwriting and I was thrilled when he accepted my invitation to join the team. He bridges the gap between The Story Department and “Logline It!“, the website on loglining that I started last year. James posts the Thursday logline reviews and often adds his own incisive feedback.

Marie Setiawan: I’ve know this screenwriter, filmmaker and blogger for a few years and was over the moon when at the end of 2012 she agreed to become one of the contributors to this web site. Marie graduated from the International Film School Sydney, where I consulted to the students on their projects. Marie will be tweeting on screenwriting and monthly on a Saturday, Marie reports on her path to becoming a professional screenwriter.

Cameron Pattison: Also a graduate from the IFSS, Cameron blew me away with the feature treatment he presented before graduating. Not only is he a promising screenwriter, Cameron is very much au fait on what is happening in the industry. His calm appearance disguises a burning passion for the craft. Cameron is keeping an eye on what’s reeling in the blogosphere and tweets it to @ozzywood.

Become One Of Us!

In addition to the core team, I’m hoping to present regular articles by Steven Fernandez, Mark Rasmussen, Ben Lenzo and other great regular contributors I am dying to read more of. We also have a fantastic monthly series coming up by JT Velikovsky, which will start next month.

If you have a screenwriting blog or would like to try your hand at writing a piece, drop us a note! We’d love to (re-)publish your stuff here.

Alongside all these collaborative efforts, I’ll make a superhuman effort to bring back the popular Structural Analyses.

If it weren’t for those wonderful people who have been helping me over the past few years, this blog would have virtually disappeared off the radar some time mid 2010. That’s when I dropped the ball due to real-life developments. But my volunteers have always stayed around – and so have you, my dear readers.

I thank you humbly for this.

– Karel

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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The Judges – Circalit Loglines (15)

James Michael — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 10:51:09 +0000

In this section we are publishing the loglines from the participants of the Circalit / Story Department “First Draft Script Contest”. Our judges have reviewed the loglines and give you their considered feedback. It may help you craft a powerful logline.

by The Judges

God Complex

“Ancient Greek God, Zeus meets modern day Lilly and makes her life hades.”

The judges’ verdict:

Steven: “Cleverly worded logline. But we need to know more about what specific forms of friction will occur between Zeus and Lilly. For example, is he a chauvinist and she a militant feminist? Is he a philandering pagan and she an upright church-going Christian? In principle the logline leaves the genre of this film uncertain. It could even be a horror flick under one interpretation.”

We need to know…about what specific forms of friction will occur between Zeus and Lilly

Nina: “This is written more as a concept with a play on words rather than a logline. As it stands this logline doesn’t give us a clear summary of the story. “

Doesn’t give us a clear summary of the story.”

Jack: “This could be a lot of fun. Why not start of with, “When Zeus, the ancient Greek god, meets modern day Lilly, her life is turned upside down, resulting in _____ “.”

Trick Riding Mamie

“Mamie Marchbanks, seventeen and oh so sassy, is a performer. She performs with circuses, Mexican travelling players and Mack Sennett, but her father and his bounty hunter are in pursuit.”

The judges’ verdict:

Steven: “This logline places the emphasis in the wrong places. The first half of the logline could be more effectively summed up as Mamie being a “sassy teen circus star” and leave it at that. The logline should then follow on with the real meat of the story: Namely, the father’s peril of being hounded by, say, “a ruthless, cold, calculating, and methodical” bounty hunter. “

The logline should […] follow on with the real meat of the story

Phyllis: “Interesting, colourful premise. Strong visual connotations, but storyline not clean enough, too complicated. Don’t really care about her. “

Interesting, colourful premise.

Jack: “As we don’t yet know the characters it is best not to name them. How about – “A sassy seventeen-year-old wants to keep enjoying life as a circus performer. But her father and a hired bounty hunter have other ideas.””

If you have an opinion on any of these synopses or the feedback from the judges, please share it with us in the comments below. Please keep the discussion constructive. Even if your first instinct may be subjective, try to give us as objective a reply as possible. The objective is to all (that includes us, judges) learn from the exercise.