https://www.thestorydepartment.com/the-judges-circalit-9/ Story. Screenplay. Sale. Mon, 08 Apr 2013 21:01:00 +0000 hourly 1 https://www.thestorydepartment.com/the-judges-circalit-9/#comment-1120 Mon, 08 Apr 2013 21:01:00 +0000 https://thestorydepartment.com/?p=21357#comment-1120 Both loglines need to pay attention to grammar and smooth writing. The first one’s second sentence feels very choppy. It would be better to put a dash between the two and stick with one sentence. In the second one, the second set of words ending with a period is not a sentence, but a phrase. To improve: something like “To , they risk all they’ve battled for – with devastating effects. Better yet: give us a clue as to what the devastating effects are.

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