The draft I read could be summarised in a one sentence logline. Based on that logline, I predicted the film would fail.

I am not the only one who makes snap decisions based on the logline alone. In fact, EVERY busy film executive does this – every day. And everyone I know in the film industry works incredibly hard to make a living. They have absolutely no time to waste.

Within this context, loglines are the only tool that allows you to make decisions quickly, and efficiently.

Many writers think they can write loglines. The truth is that only a very few understand this very specific skill. If more writers did, there wouldn’t be so many flawed concepts floating around. I’m not talking about execution now, merely premise.

I have been studying loglines for a long time now, and five years ago I decided to launch Logline It. Since then, it has grown into the leading website and a community dedicated to the promotion of effective loglines. Today, we have over 4,000 loglines on the site, and over 20,000 reviews to learn from.

Thanks to this site, many writers have perfected their loglining skills, and are now able to judge early on whether they have a story idea that could fly.

A properly written logline allows you to make a reliable snap judgment on the prospects of a project. This is one reason why the logline is the most powerful instrument to gauge the quality of a screen story.

1. A Snap Decision Tool

The logline is the smallest recognised industry format that allows gatekeepers to make snap decisions. Based on it, they may either eliminate a concept from their list, or allow it to jump to the next level (usually the synopsis).

For this reason, loglines are the most common summary in trade publications at the most important annual film markets: Berlin, Cannes, Sundance, Toronto, AFM.

2. Loglines Test Uniqueness

A properly written logline describes a screen story uniquely. Using three key story elements, it triangulates a film so effectively, it will differentiate your project from every other film made, or story told.

Using the power triangle of main character, inciting incident and story goal, you lay the basis of the logline – and that of your film’s 3-act structure.

3. It Shows Inherent Structure

Following the right logline format, you will give the reader an exact idea of the key information that will be conveyed in your story’s first act, and a promise of what may be expected in act two.

Most writers who don’t understand this, capture only about the first ten minutes of their story. They’re not to blame; most teachers don’t understand the function of a logline, and teach a format that is way too loose.

4. Loglines Express The Writer’s Vision

Until you understand your story thoroughly, it is impossible to write a logline that does service to it. For this reason, it often takes weeks, sometimes months before a writer is happy with their logline.

By the time the script is finished, the writer MUST be capable of conveying the essence of his/her story in one sentence.

5. Loglines Are A Guide Through Development

Robert McKee talks about the Controlling Idea, and John Truby discusses the Premise Line, but neither are particularly useful when you have to create them yourself.

These gentlemen provide us with extremely vague guidelines, and their examples fail completely and utterly in capturing consistently what is unique about the films they describe. While some of their examples hit the mark, others don’t. This proves that their approach is not systematic, not reliable – and therefore useless for the working writer.

I’m proud that I have developed a format that is used by every professional writer who has studied with me. Some use it as a basis to build their own version, but they all stick to the foundation I teach, because it is so simple and at the same time effective.

A properly written logline not only helps you capture the essence of your story, it guides you through the writing process. It helps you make tough decisions during development, and ultimately keeps you on track.

If you don’t already master this skill, it’s about time you get to it.

Test your own logline during the Logline It fifth anniversary event!
More details here.

Happy Loglining!

-Karel Segers

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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I have worked in the creative industries for over 30 years now, and I can tell a wannabe from a pro, mostly. In some cases, the origin of their story ideas hints at what type you’re dealing with.

Let’s look at three ways of acquiring ideas; in a next post I’ll show you how to quickly assess them on their validity and merit.

The shower lightbulb

This is one of the most common, but at the same time most dangerous happenings to the creative: You come up with this amazing story idea in an instant, and know it must be made.

Whether it hits you in the shower, in your dream or in the car; in that single moment, you are super inspired. You see and feel the movie, right there projected against your mental screen.

The experience won’t go away easily, and you may chase the story idea for a long time… Sometimes even years.

This is also how amateurs work (or don’t work).

I like to argue that if you can come up with story ideas just like that, without effort, there is a fair chance that you find more and better ideas if you consciously create the circumstances for this to happen, frequently.

Here is where we dive into the Ideas Cave.

The Ideas Cave

This is the place you go to brainstorm; your private, creative space where everything is possible. With minimal effort, you generate tons of rough story ideas, for later review. It’s about allowing everything, and not criticising anything.

I’d trust a cave idea a million times over its shower sibling. We love the shower idea, because it is given to us unexpectedly, and we didn’t have to pay with our time. But because we didn’t have to spend time or effort doesn’t necessarily make it better.

You go into the cave with a mission. You’re after a million story ideas, not just one. And you’re not just after great ideas; any idea will do. Because right now you won’t know whether these story ideas are any good. That’s going to be your next step.

Now, how to unleash your inner creative in the cave?

Each writer finds their own best way of generating ideas. In essence, this is similar to overcoming writer’s block. Some people start from character, story actions, or story events. Others just write stuff down, and see what happens.

In any case, when you think you’ve brainstormed enough, you’ve probably only just scratched the surface.

Over the years, I have found that those students who are working on projects consistently, are also the ones who have a regimen of brainstorming ideas frequently.

Why don’t you resolve to make time for this, every day.

Even if you sit down for only 15 minutes per day, that’s 90 hours over the year.

Inherited Treasures

Perhaps you’re lucky enough that someone has given you a writing assignment. Or you’ve optioned that novel you read and loved so much.

You didn’t come up with the story idea, but you have the honour (or duty) of developing it into a successful script. You are taking the story off someone else’s hands, and you are making it yours.

If adaptation is your thing, perhaps you should make time every day to look for story ideas to adopt and adapt.

Looking at the high proportion of adapted screenplays that make it to the box office, this seems to be a great approach to look for your story treasures.

All that glitters is not gold, though.

Story Ideas That Suck

You wouldn’t be the first writer to find out, week, months, even years into development, that the treasure was a fake. The concept doesn’t work. The story idea is dead.

The key is to identify this as early as possible. Not during your brainstorming process, but soon after.

I can hear you ask “How can you tell what works and what doesn’t“?

The answer is: you don’t.

However, I know a very effective process to eliminate ideas that mostly likely won’t work, and improve the ones that are almost perfect.

This secret I will reveal to you in a next post.

-Karel Segers

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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This is mostly analytical. So there’s no guarantee that you will deliver a successful story. Then again, no system does. No matter what the teachers promise you.

What this approach to the screenwriting basics does promise however, is a crystal clear grasp of what you MUST have before your story will work on a large scale. If this doesn’t seem all that new to you, I am still hoping to offer you a new perspective.

1. A Character

At the centre of every story we find (at least) one character. In film, this is mostly the ‘person’ to whom the story happens. Sometimes, it is the individual through whose eyes we experience the story.

Character also means the combined set of traits that define that particular person. This will come into play later, as we can really only see what a character is about when they act. Anyone can say anything. But will you believe them?

Before we can look at any other aspect of the story, such as its structure, we must know who this character is. For each character, there may be a different event kicking of their story. Of course each character should act in different ways.

And a great character will respond in a significant way to the Major Event.

2. A Major Event

Second step in the screenwriting basics: Something must happen to the character. A Major Event of some sort must trigger the story. Some people call this the Inciting Incident. I prefer to name it the Call To Adventure.

If the character starts pursuing the main story goal without this event, then the story will lack motivation. The audience may not even realise that the story has effectively started…

In brainstorming, this Major Event is often what you include in the ‘What If…’ statement.

Many teachers leave out this part of the story. Big mistake.

From studying story for nearly thirty years now, I am convinced that the Major Event is critical for a successful story. It is certainly indispensable in defining your story, in separating it from any other story told before you. Total screenwriting basics.

Many teachers leave out this part of the story.
Big mistake.

This is why I like to see the major event to be part of the logline.

Major events are more important than the story stakes. They often even imply the stakes, so you don’t need to mention stakes separately in a summary of the story.

This event must be ‘major’, in that it disrupts the life of the character. If it doesn’t, it is a non-event. In this case, either you don’t have a story yet, or the reader/audience won’t understand the story has started.

3. An action / Goal

Having a goal is not enough. The character must act, fight, struggle to reach that goal. A passive character, burning with desire, is a total bore. They must fight ferociously to get what they want.

Sometimes the action is directly in pursuit of the goal. In other words, the Hero chases directly what s/he wants.

Having a goal is not enough.

If you know your screenwriting basics, you will know this. In most love stories, the Heroes pursues the love interest. In most crime movies, the Hero wants to catch or kill the criminal(s).

In other cases, the goal or desire can only be fulfilled by first completing a task, or test. In Inception, Don Cobb must perform Inception (plant an idea inside a man’s dream) in order to see his kids again. In Avatar, Jake must relocate the natives in order to receive a new pair of legs.

Either way, the story goal must create change in the visible world. To try and achieve a different state of mind – through the ‘Inner Journey’ – does not typically qualify as a story goal.

Brainstorm Screenwriting Basics

When you brainstorm movie concepts, you must have all three of these screenwriting basics.

In fact, none of these can truly exist without the other two. This is why it is such a perfect system.

When you brainstorm movie concepts,
you must have all three of these story aspects.

It is something of a closed loop – or a mindf*** if you wish. You cannot really define any of these three within a story context without using the other two.

Get your head around these screenwriting basics, and you will see the beauty and the perfection of this approach.

This is the Holy Trinity of Story.

-Karel Segers

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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Can they write a logline for it?

I am not saying that writing a logline gives you the ability to write great scripts, but using your logline a professional will be able to assess whether your concept rocks – or sucks.

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A good logline is the DNA of the story.

It’s a tired metaphor, but it works. If you have a strong concept, the logline already contains – or implies – all the critical ingredients of the story; its DNA if it were.

Looking for example loglines on the web, you’ll find any kind of short summaries: Theme statements, tag lines, paragraph summaries, short pitches, teasers etc. They each fulfill a function in their own way. But they certainly are not loglines.

When you hear a logline of a movie you have seen, there is absolutely no doubt about which film it is. Using a few key elements of the story, the logline triangulates the exact film you are referring to. Try it!

Often, you can figure it out after only two of the mandatory three elements. Here’s one for you: “When an exiled dream thief is offered the chance to see his children again…”

No need to go any further. Either you know it, or you don’t. Everyone who has seen Inception will know that this is the movie I’m talking about.

Now, what are the occasions when you need a logline?

In my view, there are two instances when you really need a concise, one-sentence summary of your story.

When a logline can save you

You can probably think of a few more instances where loglines can save your behind. However, the screenwriter should have this little secret weapon at hand during these two stages of their work:

1. when you are developing your story
2. when you are marketing your story

For each, you may need a different type of logline.

You will have to rewrite your logline in accordance with the intended audience for it. For instance, when you pitch to a producer, you will need a different version from the one that will go on the cover of the BluRay disk.

Audiences can sometimes be teased using colourful details about aspects other than the story. Producers need to know as much as possible, in as little time as possible.

Your logline must cover the full story

Many flawed loglines only set up the inciting incident. They cover the ‘what if’ event that kicks off the story, but don’t promise us much for the second act, where the meat of the story should sit.

When you’re pitching to Hollywood, and the movie is an adventure, you don’t need to explain that there will be a happy ending. Mostly if the hero’s goal is clear, we will assume they achieve that goal.

However, where you have a twist, or a bittersweet ending, the producer needs to know.

25 words can be a challenge

This is why you need to start building this skill. Right now.

For me, loglines don’t have to be limited to 25 words. Often, the 35-word version sounds much better. Still, you need to train yourself in concision. You may have to condense further,  as most festivals or film market impose word count limitations.

It always depends on what the purpose of the logline is. If you only need to tease, of course you don’t give the full story.

However, until your film is made, those you pitch to will want to hear it all… despite what some experts say.

Should I use the logline during a pitch?

A top Hollywood screenwriting teacher advises not to use loglines during pitching. I disagree.

When I organised a pitching event a few years ago, the first thing the producer on the panel asked the writer:

“And what’s your logline?”

So there.

Over the years I have come to realise that the logline is more important than any other summary form of your story. It helps you understand your story, and it helps (others) assess whether it has a chance to work.

A simple, clear and powerful logline will help people to talk about your movie concept, and to create buzz. A long, confusing sentence will put people off. Your story won’t be mentioned.

The stronger your concept, the easier it will be to write that one-liner. The more your story is execution-dependent (a way for producers to say, they’re not interested), the more words you will need to set your story apart from the rest.

I have created a simple checklist that goes over some of the key elements of a great logline. Click on the button below to download your own copy now!

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Yes, there is a formula. And it’s simple.

I use a formula that is super powerful, because it immediately tests whether your concept has the critical components that make up a screen story:

When [a major event happens], a(n) [flaw + main character] must ([overcome the flaw], and) [do/pursue the main action/goal].

The character journey is hinted at through the flaw, but you can emphasise it further if you wish.

For Jaws, this becomes:

When a swimmer is killed by a great white, a bureaucratic sheriff must take responsibility, protect the people, and kill the shark.

Obviously this formula sometimes results in a clunky first draft. Still, I insist that beginning screenwriters stick to it. First make sure your logline contains all the critical components, then start polishing.

In a future article, I will explain why to include just these story parts, and what other variations you might consider.

(And if you’re not too sure about the responsibility thing in Jaws, just read the bits on Jaws here and here.)

Logline It!

In your early career, you may benefit more from sharing your concepts than from being secretive about them. Get feedback, improve, iterate.

To help you with this process, visit https://loglineit.com, the world’s only website exclusively dedicated to helping writers create the best possible logline for their work.

Join up, it’s simple and fun. Read other people’s loglines, and post your own. Go back, refine your loglines (in the comments section) and see how fast your loglining skills will improve!

Now go and logline!

-Karel Segers

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

By The Judges

THERE ARE MONSTERS

Writer: Bryan Bertino

“A mother and daughter find themselves stranded in the middle of the night on an abandoned road. Deep in the surrounding woods a nightmarish terror stalks them, and they must find the courage to face the beast or be destroyed by it.”

Cameron:

Thoughts before reading the script: A mother daughter relationship story embedded in a contained horror film. The logline establishes the inciting incident and suggests a goal of escaping or directly defeating the beast in the woods.  But,  ‘they must find the courage to face the beast or be destroyed by it’ comes off as a little heavy handed in the theme department.

Thoughts after reading the script: The script delivered what was promised in the logline with a strong conflict between the mother and daughter which could be mentioned in the logline.

“An alcoholic, distant mother and her young daughter, find themselves stranded in the middle of the night on an abandoned road,and  must fight for survival as a nightmarish terror stalks them.”

PATROL

Writer:  Jayson Rothwell

“A group of Marines, embedded in South Asia, embark on patrol of a remote island in search of drug runners. What they end up finding is something much more deadly and demonic than they could ever imagine.”

Cameron: 

Thoughts before reading the script: The logline doesn’t establish a single protagonist but instead opts to focus on the “Marines”, suggesting the script will focus and develop each marine with equal weight and clarity. What we then have is a contained setting with a clear goal ‘to find drug runners.’ The second sentence is more of a hook and suggests maybe a mid-point reversal/goal shift to escape the island alive while avoiding whatever demonic entity the marines have disturbed.

Thoughts after reading the script: The script does indeed focus on the Marines as a whole but still has a lead protagonist who particularly drives the action in act 3, so the logline could still focus in on him, although the character isn’t the commanding officer in the unit. The second sentence could also focus in on the actual antagonist’s while still maintaining a sense of mystery. The antagonist force being a native ‘deformed’ tribe with above average human capabilities.

“A group of Marines embark on a patrol of a remote island in South Asia in search of drug runners, but must escape the island after a tribe of ‘deformed’ natives decide the Marines are not welcome.”

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.loglineit.com.

By The Judges

THE AUTOPSY OF JANE DOE

written by Ian Goldberg & Richard Naing

“A father / son mortician team try to uncover the cause of death on a Jane Doe. The more they uncover, the more mysterious and terrifying their world becomes.”

Cameron: What the logline has: Father/son relationship dynamic, a goal to discover the cause of death on a Jane Doe and hints at supernatural elements that will provide an antagonist force. Though ‘mysterious and terrifying their world becomes’ may be considered vague, it provides enough of a hook to flip past the scripts title page. But it treads a fine line between hook and vague.

Also, if there is a conflict dynamic between the father and son, hinting at that conflict would add depth to the protagonist’s in the logline.

INK AND BONE

written by Zak Olkewicz

“When a female book editor visits the home of a horror writer she finds that all of his creations are holding him hostage.”

Cameron: As the logline stands, the only thing we know about the protagonist is that she’s ‘female’ — not much to picture there. How about stating her character flaw or a defining trait that will effect how the audience can picture her reacting to the inciting incident of finding this horror writer with his creations holding him hostage.

Speaking of inciting incidents, that’s the only thing that the remainder of the logline actually achieves. I know, the goal is kind-of implied, most likely it’s ‘escape the house of horrors with herself and the writer intact’, but stating that in the logline wouldn’t hurt or bloat the logline either.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.loglineit.com.

By The Judges

KING OF HEISTS

“Based on the book King of Heists: The Sensational Bank Robbery of 1878 That Shocked America, written by J. North Conway. An unassuming man in the elite New York society assembles a crew that pulls off the largest bank heist in American history in 1878.”

Cameron: The purpose of a logline is to entice the reader and interest them enough so they’ll read the script. What we have here is a back story and premise to the idea.

So completely ignoring the first sentence, the logline is half way there; we have a Protagonist with a clear goal – to rob a bank. But why? Who exactly is the Protagonist, “an unassuming man” is vague and what’s his motivation for robbing the bank? The reasoning may be obvious if people know about the true event, but if they don’t, the audience has no reason to empathize with the Protagonist who simply appears to be a rich guy robbing a bank.

THE PAPER MAN

The true story of Matthias Sindelar, the Austrian footballer voted as the Sportsman of the Century and killed by Hitler’s Nazi party.

Cameron: Again, the theme of the week is ‘premise’ vs ‘logline’. The Paper Man is a premise line. If a reader has no knowledge or context for the story, an Australian Sportsman of the Century being killed by Hitler’s Nazi party makes absolutely no sense.

The key to this logline is what connects the Protagonist to the Nazi party.  Is Matthias involved in World War 2 as an enlisted soldier? This would clear up contextual confusion.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.loglineit.com.

By The Judges

TITANS OF PARK ROW

“Young William Randolph Hearst goes to war against an ageing Joseph Pulitzer as each tries to monopolize coverage of a mysterious homicide capturing New York’s imagination, birthing the modern concept of sensationalist media coverage.”

Tor Dollhouse: 

PROS
– A unique story.
– Clear goal.

CONS

– Passive protagonist elements. The real story would be better perceived from the murderer’s P.O.V.
– High budget/period piece.

With a few more re-writes, the writer could have addressed the underlying story problems that face this from being a knockout of a logline/story. The real concern is having the protagonist(s) observe the real story that if not handled correctly could be its own downfall. Hopefully the focus is put on the sabotage of each individual and their respective media outlets.

Nicholasandrewhalls: I don’t know who or what the protagonist and antagonist is/are … I assume reporters or newspaper editors? The name “Pulitzer” should probably give me some indication, BUT … let’s assume that I am the producer you’ve just pitched the script to … am I expected to go and look it up on Wikipedia, learn about the real people and events, before I can decide whether I think your story is compelling enough to read?

“Am I expected to go and look it up on Wikipedia… Learn about the real people and events?”

Also … unless I am a history scholar, I have no personal connection with these characters yet, so AVOID using their names. With the excpetion of writing an entry into an existing franchise, stick with CHARACTER FLAW and then one other identifier (FATHER / REPORTER / DETECTIVE / MENTAL PATIENT).

“Goes to war” would probably work, if I knew the “world” in which these characters operated. Media … but specifically newspapers? Does one character specifically try to block the other character out of reporting the event?

PESTE

“Following the outbreak of a virus that wipes out the majority of the human population, a teen documents her family’s new life in quarantine and tries to protect her infected sister.”

Cameron: The elements that work: clearly defined inciting incident, A protagonist in a contained setting with a clear goal which is also an impending dilemma – protect her sister and potentially infect others or give her up.

“A protagonist with a clear goal and dilemma – protect her sister and potentially infect others or give her up.”

What could help though, is to give the protagonist more of a description and give her a flaw which directly relates to her ability to form decisions based on the moral dilemma of protecting her sister. Maybe if the protagonist was naive, this naivety could be what gets the sister infected in the first place and it’s the naivety that the protagonist thinks she can protect her infected sister that puts others in danger.

Tor Dollhouse: 

PROS
– Strong visual event.
– Impending confrontation with close relationship.

CONS
– Doesn’t clearly specify use of found footage element.
– Lack of specific goal other than to survive.

The writer demonstrates an innate ability to deliver the story from their perspective but leads to a watered down logline that may cause issues with producers who are looking to check every element beforehand.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.loglineit.com.

By The Judges

MONSOON

“A dangerous love affair between a photojournalist and a black market smuggler set against the June 2001 massacre of the Royal Family in Nepal.”

Cameron:  What we have here is a statement of premise consisting of a time frame and a generalized arc between two characters but not exactly who the Protagonist is, nor clear goals or obstacles.

“What we have here is a statement of premise… not a logline.”

Though the story is based upon a true events, you can’t expect the reader to be instantly familiar with the event in question. How does the relationship between the photojournalist and black market smuggler impact or intertwine with the massacre?

Wilsondownunder: Who is the protagonist? The photojournalist or the smuggler? I assume journalist. Perhaps focus on the protagonist and tell us more about the relationship.

“What is the goal of the Protagonist?”

Immediately I’m wondering:

Why the journalist would want to be with someone working within the realm of the black market.

Why is it dangerous (aside from the obvious link to the black market and political turmoil) – who is the antagonist  making things  dangerous for this particular character?

What’s the goal of your protagonist – other than some good ol’ lovin?

Answering some of these questions in your logline will help the reader see your film in a snapshot.

THE LIGHTHOUSE

“William Van Alen’s building of the Chrysler building and the competition to be the first to complete the world’s tallest building.”

Cameron: Again, a statement of premise rather than a logline. The premise does gives the reader a Protagonist with a clear goal but is vague on the Antagonist front. Instead of “competition” ,which may be referring to a rival building company, focus on a single individual that represents the Protagonist’s greatest threat.

“For an Antagonist, focus on a single individual that represents the “competition” so the Protagonist has someone to play off.”

Also, the stakes. If William is unable to complete the building or lose, what happens? He may become bankrupt, become so obsessed that he may lose a love interest etc.

Wilsondownunder: William’s character traits and any potential flaws he had should be incorporated into the logline. While most people know what the Chrysler building is and it’s significance, you still want the story to sound compelling, rather than a recount of history.

“While readers may know the history of the Chrysler building, you still want the story to sound compelling, rather than a recount of history.”

Something along the lines of:

An obsessive architect destroys all that is good in his life as he becomes consumed by his desire to build the Worlds tallest building – the Chrysler.

Not ideal but focussing it on the character rather than the story adds an element of interest – as we already know the story.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.loglineit.com.

By The Judges

THE EEL

“An escaped convict is ensnared in a plot by a corrupt Sheriff to kidnap the young heiress to an oil fortune, complicating his quest for freedom.”

Cameron: Firstly, it’s going to be difficult to empathize with a convict unless he has been wrongly committed (which should be in the logline if that’s the case) and secondly ‘ensnared in a plot’ is a vague reference that could mean absolutely anything.

The second half of the logline involving the antagonist (Sheriff) and the task of kidnapping the heiress (clear goal) in order for the protagonist to gain freedom, works but could be clearer.

“Ensnared in a plot’ is a vague reference that could mean absolutely anything.”

So implementing the suggestions, the logline would look something like this:

“An escaped convict, wrongly committed (if he’s not, add a redeemable quality), must kidnap the heiress to an oil fortune, for a corrupt Sheriff in order to secure permanent freedom.”

FUCK MARRY KILL

“Three best friends return for their high school reunion intent on righting all the wrongs done to them in high school … by either fucking, marrying, or killing their tormentors.”

Cameron: Besides the unmarketable title, we don’t know anything about the three best friends, but giving them each an adjective or flaw would make the logline too long.

Is the focus of the film a multi-protagonist story with a shifting POV between the three, or do wee see the events of the film from the perspective of one of the friends? It’s always more difficult to write a screenplay with multiple protagonists because there’s less screen time to arc each character with equal effect.

“The protagonists’ seem down right psychotic which is bad news for the audiences empathy.”

Is the goal really just to fuck, marry, or kill their childhood tormentors? The first question that comes to mind in the context of just the logline in regards to motivations, is why on earth would the protagonists’ want to fuck or marry their childhood tormentors? It may indeed make perfect sense in the screenplay, but the ham fisted approach in the logline makes the protagonists’ seem down right psychotic which is bad news for the audiences empathy for them.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.loglineit.com.