In FRANCES HA, Noah Baumbach paid homage to director Leos Carax, from his film MAUVAIS SANG.

I recently returned from a trip to Sweden, and finally watched the 3 original “Girl” films. You know, the feature films in the Millennium Trilogy, based on the books by Stieg Larsson. 

We look at the introduction of main character Lisbeth Salander. Interestingly, Steven Zaillian removed some of the tension in his English-speaking adaptation. Adaptations are not always effective homages to the original work, and here he certainly reduces the emotional impact.

Finally, I show one of my favourite homages: a clip from RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2. To compare, we watch the original sequence in Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid that was quoted in the game.

Enjoy!

This is a Facebook preview of a video that will soon be posted to my YouTube channel. 

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Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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A great example of an effective first page is that of William Goldman’s Misery. To download the draft which I refer to, click here. Please also note that the rest of this article will contain spoilers of the film’s ending.

Page one of Misery foreshadows the film’s dramatic climax. In fact the very first images we see on the page are the biggest clues as to how the protagonist (Sheldon) defeats his antagonist (Annie) in the end. The single cigarette, the unlit match and a specific brand of champagne in an ice bucket represent the very tools, which Sheldon uses to embark on his final battle against Annie.

When we first encounter these objects however, they merely indicate a cause for celebration. Later, we discover that this celebration is actually Sheldon’s ritual every time he finishes a novel. The reveal of this information provides Sheldon with a strategy that leads him to his triumph.

The next image we see is Paul Sheldon, the writer, at his typewriter. This image tells us straight away who the protagonist is and what he does. The profession of a character is a common dramatic device to help the reader gauge the character quickly but in Misery the protagonist’s occupation has greater significance: Paul Sheldon as the writer is the driving force of the overall plot. If Sheldon were not a writer, we would have no story and there would be no antagonist. Annie is defined by her obsession with Sheldon’s novels. And whilst Sheldon’s goal is to escape, Annie’s goal is to be as close to the fictional characters which Sheldon has created, as much as possible.

Page one of Misery foreshadows the film’s dramatic climax.

Furthermore, the introduction of the typewriter is also an important factor in the foreshadowing of the dramatic climax because it anticipates the heavy object, which Sheldon uses to knock Annie out with.

The next image on the page is Sheldon in the foreground of an impending storm. Not only does this image set up act one’s inciting incident (the car crash) but it also gives the scene a sense of foreboding that indicates to the reader that they are in for a rough ride.  This script isn’t a romantic comedy; it isn’t a drama; it is something much darker – a thriller perhaps.

Next is a close-up of Paul Sheldon himself. This is the reader’s opportunity to scrutinise the protagonist and to see how he works. When Sheldon is forced to write because his life depends on it, we know that Sheldon is capable. He is an intelligent and successful writer and words fly off his fingertips.

The penultimate image is Sheldon rolling the last page of his novel out of the typewriter and writing ‘The End’ in a childlike way. This image foreshadows the final scene of the film: when Sheldon finishes his next book he becomes the author and in turn the man that he has always wanted to be.

The final image on page one is a close-up of the manuscript. The manuscript is the engine that drives the conflict between Sheldon and Annie and this is what the film is fundamentally about: Misery, Sheldon’s creation.

-Mina Zaher

Mina Zaher spent five years working in script development, from literary assistant at The Agency (London) Ltd. to being a freelance script reader/script editor. Mina holds an MA in Film and Television Studies and an MA in Screenwriting. She is currently working on a number of writing projects, which are at various stages of development and regularly writes for her blog, Journey of a Screenwriter. Mina is also the EURO moderator for #Scriptchat on Twitter.

He meant screenwriters should keep scenes to what is essential to the story. No arrivals and departures, no meet & greet or chit-chat.

This is one of the fundamental rules in writing a scene, one which David Mamet has also been credited for. ‘Late’ usually means later than you imagine, so its wise to try and cut out as much as possible at the beginning and ask yourself if it still works. The later the better.

In the following example from Fight Club, the scene starts off with a gun shoved into the mouth of Edward Norton’s character. We are immediately connect with the scene and wonder how it happened and what will happen next.

As Hitchcock once said, drama is life with the boring bits cut out. So give the reader the essential, exciting bits of information in the least amount of words. As soon as the goal is achieved in the scene, get out.

I have this really beautiful shot that really must stay

Exceptions that deliberately break or bookend the flow of the action sometimes work at the beginning of an act or sequence.  You’ll hold a shot or scene longer when you want to give the audience a breather and you want to intentionally start re-building tension again.

In case you need this transition moment at the beginning or end of a scene, consider making it interesting by dramatising it or introducing something unusual, unique.

Here’s another prime example of leaving early and thus creating wonderful suspense.

In this scene from “The Dark Knight”, Jonathan and Christopher Nolan carefully finish the scene with unfinished business. A question unanswered. A massive conflict. Three men. Two halves of a broken cue. One survivor. Who will win? It also adds character to the Joker, showing how ruthless he is without ever mentioning a drop of blood.

However, unless it’s the final scene in the film, be sure to leave a question unanswered. This will engage the audience and urge them to ask what happens next. This creates movement, and it is important to have everything in your screenplay serve the movement in order to propel the story forward.

If you found this tip useful, check out the Screenplay Checklist, an A-Z of commonly made mistakes by aspiring screenwriters.

Once you have written your screenplay, make sure you keep the reader hooked by eliminating all the errors that would distract from an enjoyable experience.

Check this 12p. list of errors and annoyances to perfect your spec screenplay.

Only $4.99

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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Producer/scribe James Nicholas flew from Sydney to L.A. to attend the Screenwriting Expo. He generously reports back about his brush with the Gurus and any lesser Gods.

Upon entering the convention centre, the air is filled with anticipation as the budding writers fill the smallish and rather cramped Wilshire Grand meeting area. One can’t help but notice the flashes of desperation…

SCREENWRITING PITCH FEST

‘Do or die’ screenwriters sign up for the “Pitch Fest”, where a writer can pay $25 for five minutes face time with various production companies and agencies, ranging from the major studios right down to the bit players.

With a ‘first in first served’ rule, the majors were quickly filled. Looks like a busy weekend for the assistant to the assistant of the assistant VP of development.

For those not pitching though (like me), we had a plethora of speakers and sessions to choose from. With many session overlaps, some shrewd choices had to be made on how to plan the day.

LINDA HEYS

I took the gamble and stuck with my country woman, a Story Consultant named Linda Heys. She had just finished an 8 week stint at Pixar helping refine their story structures. With this pedigree and experience I had high hopes – and wasn’t disappointed.

Linda visualised a Hero’s Diamond to display the inner journey of the character and how it ties to the outer journey. For those familiar with Vogler et al, it was a good representation.

MICHAEL HAUGE

Next up, Michael Hague delivered his well versed and well rehearsed “Sell your story in 60 seconds”. Many of the writers started to shift in their seat, secretly hoping they had one more day to refine their pitches. For those who missed it: Michael stayed close to the book and the DVD accompaniment.

A quick lunch break and on to Dara Marks.

DARA MARKS

Dara is gaining some attraction (according to her website anyway) within the industry so I thought it would be remiss of me not to check her out. Her theory of the “Fatal Flaw” and the emotional inner journey made some sense. Her idea of the outer journey obstacles and how it could be applied successfully – especially through the mono myth – didn’t deliver. It was a weird meld of McKee and old school Syd Field. The heroic outer journey structure was brushed over and her repeated use of “use your intuition” made me feel like I was back in Australia.

I decided the Round 2 of Dara would be a little too much.

I needed to wake up. Enter…

KARL IGLESIAS

The topic of Karl’s session read “How to elicit emotion in your concept”. He offered a great lecture, with sharp answers on what works and what doesn’t. A refreshing change from Dara’s musings. I was wide awake again.

Finally the piece de resistance.

VICTORIA WISDOM

To a packed house, Victoria Wisdom gave all the writer’s in the room a well needed reality check. As a working developer and previous agent, she is – and remains – well connected in the industry and had some hard facts forthe budding writers in the audience.

Her basic premise was that writers to be successful and especially professional need to follow the market, know the demographic, know the current ‘it’ genres, retool old ideas, break the mould.

She gave notes on all sorts of insider tricks to getting your, script seen hence the title of the session “Getting your script seen”.

This was a great look at the reality of the business side of not only selling a script but selling the screenwriter.

All round a good first day.

James.

Are you attending the Screenwriting Expo? Why not give us your experience in the comments! Thank you.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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Meanwhile, the Story Dept. has entered its third calendar year, offering workshops, one-on-one consultancy PLUS a Premium Version of this blog, exclusive to clients and
subscribers. The Hero’s Journey continues, the obsession grows.

THE HERO’S SECRET

eXistenZ, named after a fictitious virtual reality video game, was released around the same time as THE MATRIX; the timing having been an excuse for its poor performance. I was surprised to see Roger Ebert’s review not really giving us any critical assessment of the film; all he says is:“eXistenZ’ is likely to appeal especially to computer game players”. He probably means: “It sucked but I don’t know why.”

The film remains original and entertaining but I believe the end holds a crucial mistake as it turns out our heroes have been keeping a secret from us. This goes directly against a key principle of writing for the screen: a protagonist must share with us their knowledge and emotions.

In the Premium Edition (see also below) I will look at a few more examples of heroes who are ruining box office prospects by withholding information or being unreliable for other reasons.
THE WRITER’S SECRET

When I asked one of my most loyal clients for a testimonial, he refused. I was baffled. “Karel,” he said, “if you knew where the gold was buried, would you go and tell everyone?” At first I thought that was a lame excuse, but then I had no reason NOT to believe him. He is a film industry professional who always puts his money where his mouth is. He is continuing our collaboration throughout 2008. But I’m not allowed to tell anybody.

My Unknown Client says about the story theory I’m teaching and applying during my consultancies “it’s the film industry’s best kept secret.” In many ways, he is right. Despite the title of Robert McKee’s bestselling screenwriting manual ‘STORY’, he only dedicates a relatively brief section to the principles of story structure. Many screenwriting manuals do mention the three-act structure but forget to explain why it works and why it is successful. Without a proper foundation, the 3-act structure remains dead theory.

Some people say Australian film schools are gravely deficient in the area of structure and if I am to believe my clients, many AWG script assessors tend to barely brush over it, too. In an article in The Australian last week, Joan Sauers, Billy Stoneking and Duncan Thompson blamed Australian scripts. Again. And again they forgot to mention what William Goldman said: “Story is structure”

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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I have just returned from SPAAmart, Australia’s film financing market, where Wojciech and I pitched THE MORTAL COIL to twenty-four industry executives from Australia and overseas. It was only the second time ever I applied for this competitive market. One hundred percent hit rate. Luck? Possibly. But my recent string of successes cannot be ignored as an unusually high hit rate. An AFC project manager with impressive film credits recently told an audience how his applications used to be rejected at a rate of 8/1. No future for me as an AFC project manager, I guess…

If luck is one factor, what other factors are there? The talent of the writer, first and foremost. I have the honour and the pleasure of working with brilliant people. Without an interesting concept you can edit until the cows come home. THE MORTAL COIL has the support of Richard Taylor at the famous Weta Workshop in Wellington. Given the amazing track record of that effects house, their attachment is a major bonus and it helps convincing decision makers that this project will fly.

STORY VS. SCRIPT EDITING

There is no doubt in my mind that the story development approach is another crucial factor in those recent funding successes. I used to get sucked into reading, analysing and assessing screenplays. Most scripts have enough weaknesses on the scene level for a script editor to provide his money’s worth in surface level feedback. The writer takes on board all the comments and does a – often completely useless – rewrite. My rejection rate used to be higher than average until I changed my development strategy. By focusing on the story, the writer doesn’t touch the screenwriting software until the structure works. This sounds like a longer process, but the reality is just the opposite.

If there is an easier way, why do we keep getting caught in this trap? Why do we all give feedback based on the script? I believe that we are scared to tell you – the writer – to fundamentally review the story. What if you walked away to find yourself another editor? It would mean the potential loss of some hard-earned business. Will those essential story changes guarantee a movie that works? Of course not. The most quoted line in the movie industry is William Goldman’s “Nobody knows anything.” But a well-structured story will increase the chances that better people read your script and give you better feedback so you get a step closer to funding.

Once you have successfully applied the principles of story structure and you’ve made it past the Ordeal of story and script development, remember Vogler and don’t confuse the Sword with the Elixir. I, too, am fully aware that the Final Confrontation is yet to come.

SHORT FILMS AND THE PRINCIPLES OF STORY STRUCTURE

The Australian Film Commission is paying $60,000 towards the production of ACID SUN, the first project I took on as a producer after becoming a father late 2004. Parental responsibility had brought with it a greater focus and a more radical selection of projects and short films just didn’t seem to cut it any longer. “Short films no longer work as a calling card.”

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

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