Is it good? Is it great? Or is it useless? Should I show it to anyone? To whom? Is it ready to sell?

I have found that as someone’s experience grows, often so does their insecurity about the state of their scripts. Many newbies are overeager to market undercooked scripts.

Why?

They don’t know their own abilities. They don’t understand what constitutes a great script, and they hope someone else will tell them.

If you feel this strong intuitive urge to get validation from a producer or agent, you’ve got to ignore it. Do more work yourself: read great scripts, keep writing, and over time you’ll separate the wheat from the chaff.

True intuition is built upon experience.

What Does Your Screenplay Need To Achieve?

Whether you are ready to sell your script – or not – has a lot to do with your intended objectives. If you need to make a living from your work, perhaps you have no choice. Cashflow forces you to get it into the market. Sometimes even premature scripts sell. (Seen any superhero comic book adaptations, lately?).

Suppose you’re not 100% happy with the story, but your writing style is supreme. If you need work urgently, your script may become the writing sample that will get you other work. So you go and sell. Story ready or not.

In all other cases, if you can afford to wait, then do so while you perfect story and script.

No Such Thing As The Honest Truth?

Each has their own opinion about when a script is done.

If you ask a script consultant, they may argue that your script needs more development. It is in their interest to keep taking money from you. Never ask a consultant who is desperate for clients. Instead, go to the busiest consultant you can afford.

Better even, affiliate yourself with an industry professional who can read scripts.

In fairness, not many can. And those who can, are often too busy. Find someone you can trust. This could be a producer, a director or an actor.

Your English teacher friend is not the person to ask. You may turn to them for a proofread on typos, spelling and grammar, but don’t expect them to understand the intricacies of a screenplay.

Everyone has an opinion. Not everyone has a clue.

Ready To Sell Your Script? Here Are The Signs

1. Your mom/partner/best friend loves it

   Non-professional readers will read a script like a novel, without understanding the nature of drama and tension. Their feedback is hardly vital.
   There is a good reason to have your fans at home read your work, though: to keep your confidence up. They should support you, and encourage you to rock on when times are tough.

2. Your gut tells you it’s ready to sell
   

   It may be more reliable than your mom, but it’s surely not the #1 indicator to go by. Your gut instinct will give you a clue as to whether you have a gem or a dud. But don’t bet the house on it. Your intuition will get better over the years.

3. Your friend/manager/agent/producer is excited
   

   No industry friends (yet)? Get networking! If you’re lucky enough to work with a manager, it’s easy. They will give you useful feedback, and tell you when they are confident the script will generate results.

4. It’s a really fast read.
   

   The quickest reads are typically the best. I have found that really bad scripts can take up to a day to read, partially because it takes time to decipher, but also because of reader procrastination.

5. Feedback is about taste, not technique.

   If most of the feedback comes down to a matter of the reader’s taste rather than specific craft-based notes, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re being unprofessional. Everyone has a subjective opinion, even pros. And everyone will try to give you some advice, even if they’ve run out of objective notes. Could this mean it is time to sell, and send your script into the world? Possibly…

6. You are shortlisted in a big screenwriting contest

   There are many contests, and thousands of writers enter every year. Fortunately you don’t need to worry about most of them, as only a few are truly relevant.
   The best will introduce winners to agents and producers, and some real players do keep an eye on the award lists.  So, winning an important contest is a big deal. Keep entering every year, and make sure your results keep improving.

7. Everyone talks about it.

   You are very lucky when you find people become aware about your script, and talk about it. When I hear industry folk bring up my clients’ projects in conversation, it’s mostly a good sign.

There are probably tons of things about your script you can still improve. If you didn’t read any screenwriting books until this point – Good! You didn’t need them – this may be the time to check a few things that matter to readers. Look at the ebb and flow of your tension in the story. Weigh up the balance of description vs. dialogue. Check, double-check and triple-check grammar, spelling and punctuation.

These are the areas most beginning writers can improve the most without professional help. Use apps, take online  classes. Become the very best.

You Make The Call

When you feel that the law of diminishing returns is taking its toll, it may be time to consider the 7 points above. And remember: you will never get unequivocal proof that your script is market-ready… until it is sold.

Until then, it’s merely a decision.

And that decision is yours.

-Karel Segers

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

by Jenny Frankfurt

Let’s talk about those who are lucky enough to be doing the latter. I know many people get very nervous about actually being in a room with people who might develop and buy your project and I want to provide a few pointers on how the meeting will likely go and what your part of it should look like. This segment will focus on film pitches:

Whether or not the producer (let’s just use that word for the sake of simplifying things) has read your material in script form or is meeting you to hear an idea based on what the company is looking for and the quality of your past material, you have to pitch.

Firstly, you’re there because you have an idea they have some interest in and they already like how you write. Make sure you have a few ideas prepared in case one misses the mark. That said, you have to sell them on the pitch.

You have to pitch.

If you are pitching a drama, be serious and come prepared with appropriate emotion. Think of Oscar. Help them subtly market it by showing them the path it can go. If it’s a comedy… be funny!! Show them your humor and how it gets from you to the page. Be big and laugh. You get the idea….

I have a client who is 6’5” and weighs about 280 lbs. We pitched a really scary horror film to Paramount. It was a pitch, not yet a script and he acted it out – he scared them with his size and the power of his voice – granted it was a little over the top but… they bought it. Be your movie. You are the one creating it; so show them what’s inside you that’s going to give them what they want.

If you are going in to the room off the back of a script then be open to their suggestions. Always be open at this point. Producers want to be involved. Unl3ss you are extremely well established (and even then) you have to collaborate at every step of the way.

If you’re lucky, a lengthy conversation will ensue about the script, how things might go this way or that… they might stop you and ask you while your pitching. Don’t let this rattle you. It means they are involved and interested and want to understand the story.

Show them what’s inside you that’s going to give them what they want.

I often have clients practice the pitch to me or a friend before going in the room. You don’t want to over pitch. No one has much of an attention span. As when you wrote the piece or outlined it, hit the main points, the central characters, the twists and surprises, the special moments. Don’t overload the producer so the point of the script gets lost in the telling of it.

Producers hear lots of pitches a week. You are going to be pitching something rather high-concept or you’d be asked to write it and then they’d take a look. High concept movies are the ones that are easy to understand, can make a lot of money and attract movie stars. Your small dark drama, as wonderful as it may be, is not suitable for a pitch. So, if you are in a room, it’s going to be for something on the bigger, more commercial side.

However, you are, hopefully, eclectic and have more than one project under your belt. Be prepared to pitch another if the first doesn’t go as planned. Presumably the producer already likes your writing or you wouldn’t be there – make sure they understand you are multi-faceted, you get the whole shebang when they hire you and they can keep hiring you because you have ideas galore – but just one more. These people are busy.

Don’t overload the producer so the point of the script gets lost in the telling of it.

Practice. Develop a rhythm. You are a writer, not an actor, so performing is likely not your forte, but as mentioned, get some help, a ‘scene partner’. Keep it compact and with proper emotion in regards to the genre. Know your material. Know yourself. Be confident and make them want you and your story. Keep pitching as often as possible. It is, indeed, an art.

-Jenny Frankfurt

Jenny Frankfurt has been a literary manager for the past twenty years, and runs her own company Highstreet Management, based in Los Angeles, where she represents writers and intellectual property around the world.

Prior to this she was Head of the Literary Department for Handprint Entertainment and has worked at both The William Morris Agency and ICM.

Jenny also blogs and tweets.

Photo credits: Graphic stock

Jamie Campbell

Jamie Campbell is an author, screenwriter, and television addict.

Jamie is proud to be an Editor for The Story Department.

Her latest series Project Integrate is out now.

jamiecampbell.com.au

by Signe Olynyk

Like many writers, pitching is something that hasn’t always come easy to me. As someone who has had to overcome tremendous shyness and learn how to pitch in order to get my movies made, there are a few things I have learned that might help others to do the same.

Pitching is a necessary evil. You must pitch if you want your project to be produced. The only sure-fire way to make sure your script never gets made is to never tell anyone about it. But there is hope – you are probably much better at pitching than you think. Never pitched before? Think again. When you go to a job interview, you are pitching. When you convince your friends to see the latest Bollywood film when everyone wants to see Avengers, you are pitching. When your kids plead for another hour past bedtime to play X-Box… Well, okay. They are pitching you.

You get my point – most of us pitch every single day without realizing it.

There is hope – you are probably much better at pitching than you think.

A successful pitch must be much more than simply convincing or selling someone on something. The best pitches are conversational – as if you are telling your friends about a great movie you just saw. Conversational means there is an exchange by both parties – sometimes the person you are pitching has questions, or they are engrossed with your pitch and respond with their body language.

The best pitches are conversational

If you are doing it right, they are engaged and listening to every exciting word you are sharing, and the communication between you and the person you are pitching is filled with give and take. You give by telling about your character’s overall goal, they take by leaning in. You tell them how your character overcomes their obstacles. They gasp. They ask a question. You give an answer.

A great pitch is like a dance – but you are the one leading and reacting as your partner responds to you. Give and take, back and forth. Actually, that sounds like something else. But you get my point. You are hosting the meeting, and as such, you control the information that is shared. As the conversation continues, you lead it back to what needs to be conveyed.

A great pitch is like a dance – but you are the one leading and reacting as your partner responds to you.

One of the biggest mistakes writers make when they are pitching for the first time is that they tell too much information. Shot by shot, scene by scene – this is what causes grey hair to grow, and executive eyelids to droop. But how do you know what is too much? Too little?

As my producing partner, the fabulous Mr. Bob Schultz sometimes laments, ‘If I could tell it to you in 90 seconds, why would I have told it to you in 90 pages’? Bob is referring to a logline, which is often described as the one sentence, ‘tv guide’ version of a story.

A pitch does not need to be short, but it does need to be succinct. You need to be extremely selective about the finding the true heart of your story, and it is much more difficult to do than one might think. It means stripping away all the hard work you’ve put into your script, and reduce it down to the bare bones in order to pitch it effectively. We don’t need to know your character’s backstory. We don’t need to know who you imagine casting as the lead.

All we need are the bones.

We don’t need to know your character’s backstory. We don’t need to know who you imagine casting as the lead. All we need are the bones.

And what are the bones? Let’s plot out the skeleton of your pitch.

1. Title

First, tell me the title of your script. Easy enough, right? Well, not so fast. Here’s what I’m thinking about as a producer when you tell me your title and begin the bones of your pitch… I am wondering if your title starts with an A, B, C, or maybe a number. Or is there another title for your concept that would? People often rent their films through VOD, Netflix or Red Box these days, and they generally start at the first letter of the alphabet and make their way through the movie selections, starting with the ‘A’ titles and working their way down (or starting at ‘Z’ and working up. Rebels, I know).

Distributors also prefer titles with one or two words as they tend to lend themselves more easily to foreign sales and generally translate more easily into other languages. Is it a title that captures the theme of your film (ie ‘Alive’, ‘Misery’, ‘United 93’)? Is it a title that is high concept, meaning you immediately understand what the movie is going to be about, just by hearing the name (ie ‘Bad Teacher’, ‘Buried’, ‘Contagion’)?

Although it isn’t always easy to create unique titles that fulfill theme, distribution preferences, and still capture a strong sense of your story, you increase the chance of success for your screenplay if you do.

2. Genre

Identify the genre of your film. Is it a comedy? Horror? Rom-Com or Historical Drama? An Executive wants to know what genre you are pitching because it establishes the mood for the rest of the pitch, and sets up what they can expect of your story. If you launch right into your pitch about a woman giving birth to a zombie baby, we need to know whether that script is a comedy or a horror so we know how to react as you pitch it. If it is a true life story about your zombie baby, I’m so sorry to hear it. Are the rights available?

Here’s my producer brain again, mulling over what I am listening for and thinking about as you pitch. The most successful domestic films are not always the most successful internationally. For the terms of this article, ‘domestic’ refers to North America, and ‘foreign’ refers to everywhere else.

Comedies generally need to have A-list talent to perform well at the box office, and it is difficult for a company to take a chance with a new writer on a multi-million dollar movie. Comedy (including Romantic Comedies & what I call ‘Jerk Comedies’) is also very subjective, and what is funny in North America may be offensive, or simply not translate well into other cultures or languages internationally.

Action films are still the most successful genres at the box office, domestically and abroad. However, this genre also tends to be more expensive to produce, because there are so many setups required (number of shots) to successfully achieve many of the sequences audiences expect, and also, because recognizable or A-list cast must generally be attached (translate: bigger budget).

As I listen to your pitch, I am thinking about whether this is a genre I can raise enough money for, is it something I can attract cast to, is it unique enough from every other horror movie out there, and will it sell internationally? Having a sense of what is important to an exec is important because it can help the person pitching to identify the reasons why their script may not be an exact fit for a particular company.

You might think an indie producer is kookoo-bananas for not optioning your big budget studio extravaganza that is a brilliant script (it really is!), but factors such as ‘can I raise enough money at this point in my career’ are massive factors that are often beyond your control. My hope is that by sharing some of this information, you will better understand why an exec can’t always come on board your project – even if the script is outstanding. It is often a matter of just finding the right match, and sometimes, well, that just requires luck and perseverance. Happenstance.

But, I digress.

I can write more about some of these issues another time. Let’s get back to the bones of pitching.

3. Protagonist

Now that we know the title and genre, we want to know ‘who is the main character’? Through whose eyes are we experiencing this story? It needs to be someone who we can relate to, and we need to care enough about them and their goal to want to go on this 90-ish minute journey with them. As an audience, we want to experience their growth, and see them evolve. Our favorite movies start with a character who has a certain behavior or world point of view, and through the challenges they face in pursuit of their goal, they evolve to become a different person.

By the end of the story, your protagonist’s behavior and world point of view has changed. For better or worse. Experiencing that character growth allows audiences to escape and live vicariously through the characters. That ability to escape and be enlightened to a new character perspective is largely how movies enrich all our lives, and why we go to movies in the first place.

4. Goal

Once I know the title of your screenplay, the genre, and who the protagonist is, I will want to know what that character wants. What physical, tangible goal are they pursuing? Save the planet from the speeding meteorite? Get the characters off the bus before it explodes? Find the groom before the wedding? Come up with one more cliché goal before I finish this article?

Although an emotional goal can be a consequence of this pursuit, the goal must be an actual, physical one. The goal for your main character is not to ‘fall in love’, but it might be to ‘save the swamp’. Falling in love is often the emotional consequence. Sigh. We should all save more swamps. Plus, lizards are awesome.

5. Obstacles

Okay, now that we know the character’s goal, we need to know what the increasingly difficult obstacles are that stand in the way of him, her, or it reaching that goal. The best screenplays always involve a strong opponent, whether that nemesis is another character or monster, a force of nature, or an establishment. The shark in ‘Jaws’. Jigsaw in the ‘Saw’ movies. Number Six in the ‘Battlestar Galactica’ tv series. The demon in the ‘Paranormal Activity’ movies.

Darth Vader is all of these things – a character, a monster, a force of nature, and he represents an establishment. Villains with their own goals and obstacles that conflict with the goals and obstacles of your protagonist are often more relatable and interesting than characters of extreme degrees. The mustache twirling villains and wicked witches of the past are made more human by putting their needs in direct conflict with your hero character.

One of my favorite writing exercises is to reverse the roles of my main character and their antagonist, and tell the story from the other character’s point of view. If you’ve seen the broadway version of ‘Wicked’, you will know how successful that exercise can be. To me, ‘shades of grey’ are always more interesting than characters who are pure evil, or pure goodness. Although I enjoy hearing Snow White sing.

Making sure the stakes your character faces are serious enough is often where many screenplays (and pitches) fail. A brilliant script consultant I like to work with on all my projects is Mr. Robert Southhill. He often calls these types of scripts a BOSH. Bunch Of ‘Stuff’ Happens. It’s when one thing after another simply happens to your protagonist, instead of the character striving towards a specific goal, struggling, and overcoming the obstacles that are in the way. Your goal has to be a real, physical, tangible goal that has such dire consequences for your character that we must root for them, and care enough to go on this journey with them. By making the stakes high enough for the character, you raise the dramatic impact of each obstacle.

Making sure that the obstacles in your character’s way are increasingly serious is a way to deepen our commitment to the character and root for their success. If your character’s goal is to drive from Canada to Los Angeles, who cares? But if 2,500 angry writers will tie her to a stake and roast her at a bbq if she doesn’t get there and make sure she puts on a great conference for them, then the stakes are significantly higher. What are the obstacles in the way? 2,700 miles? Construction? Hordes of cattle all over the highway in Montana? Not good enough. The stakes need to be serious enough that it becomes a ‘do or die’ effort. Trust me, it is.

One of my favorite writing exercises is to reverse the roles of my main character and their antagonist, and tell the story from the other character’s point of view.

Pitching In general

Like a great movie trailer, the pitch should have a beginning, middle, and an end –without giving everything away. In the beginning, you tell who it is about and what they want. The middle of your pitch is where you tell what gets in the way of your protagonist reaching that goal, and what they did to overcome it. The ending is where you tell the lesson learned, not just the lesson for the character – but the lesson that your audience walks away with, enriched for the experience of having seen your film.

Every pitch is a little bit different. All pitches need to have to have the bones that I already described, but they also need to be tailored to whoever you are pitching. If you are pitching an actor, you want to spend more time focusing on the character. What their character arc is. How they change through the course of your story. You will want to spend extra time focusing on the juicy bits that make the role a character an actor would want to play.

If you are pitching an agent, you may also want to pitch yourself and your ability to take on writing assignments, to write fast, and the connections you already have. If you have optioned a property and are pitching an investor or studio exec, you are going to expand your pitch to address casting and foreign sales, and budget details. You’d want to get into who your key crew are, what’s your schedule, your budget, and financial plan. You have to know who you are pitching so that you can adjust your pitch to reflect what they are looking for, and target those needs in your pitch.

All pitches should have the bones of your story, and be expanded upon to be able to address the other needs of whoever you are pitching.

The core. The bones. The skeleton. It all means the same thing. You need to know who your protagonist is. What they want. What obstacles are in the way of that goal, and what is the lesson learned.

If you are still nervous about pitching and need more advice, the two best pitch coaches I know are Bob Schultz (bob@pitchfest.com – Bob runs the Great American PitchFest with me, and is also my producing partner) and the awesome Pilar Alessandra from On the Page. Pilar is a pitch and script consultant, and an exceptional teacher who leads a ‘Pitch In A Minute’ class each year at pitchfest (it’s free – just RSVP to info@pitchfest.com). She has one of those ‘fill in the blank’ type of templates that essentially does the work for you. Writers simply fill in the blanks and immediately start pitching. It’s that easy. Both Bob and Pilar will be at this year’s Great American PitchFest, and they are very approachable. I’ll be there too and would love to meet you so be sure to say hi.

Pitching can be terrifying, especially if it is your first time. But before I sign off, I want you to take a hard look at yourself. You wrote this brilliant script. You’ve worked hard to master your craft. And now you’re ready to bring it into the world. Be proud of that. And confident. You have accomplished something amazing, so remember that with every pitch meeting you go into. Now, you just need practice. And I need to see the potatoe museum of Idaho. See you in a couple weeks.

-Signe Olynyk 

Signe Olynyk is a Writer / Producer, who also is founder of the Great American PitchFest Screenwriting Conference, held annually in Los Angeles, CA.

Signe is also behind the Great British PitchFest, held in partnership with the London Screenwriters’ Festival in the UK.

You can check out her movie, Below Zero; or email her directly at info@belowzeromovie.com.

Photo Credits: seeveeaar, and Signe Olynik

Jamie Campbell

Jamie Campbell is an author, screenwriter, and television addict.

Jamie is proud to be an Editor for The Story Department.

Her latest series Project Integrate is out now.

jamiecampbell.com.au

by Jenny Frankfurt

If you are a writer with an agent or manager the script goes to them and they figure out where to send it and whom they think will respond. They know who is looking for what or they have relationships that allow them to call up and just ask various producers if they want to read your material. That’s their job.

What if you’re not at that stage yet? You’re without representation but you feel you have a piece of material that’s ready to be seen. Who is reading material, how do you find out and how is it appropriate to get it to them without literary representation?

In the US there are many very good, solid and industry recommended websites where you can pitch your screenplay or pilot to major producers and representatives. Some allow you to put your screenplay on the site and the creators of the site will lead producers and such to your material as it suits them.

Virtual Pitch Fest

www.virtualpitchfest.com is a great site which allows you to sign up for a number of pitches and choose from major studios, producers and representatives all of whom are letting the writer know exactly that they are looking for. They can ask for thrillers, comedies, science fiction, stories, etc… as well as also specifying what they don’t want to see.

You can then pitch the industry exec and they can say yes, please send it or no, and they’ll let you know why. It’s a good way to take the temperature of the town for the material you’re pushing. If your pitch isn’t working, reassess.

If too many people say they have projects like it, you might want to try another project as the concept has already saturated the market. It’s not too expensive, they always have deals and the contacts are very, very good. The owner David Kohner Zuckerman has done a great job putting it together and the industry has responded well to it. I have read some very good material from VPF.

InkTip

Another great website in the US is www.inktip.com. This is a very precise way for producers, repress and executives to find material but it’s more active from the buyer’s side. However, it’s a very well regarded site, they do a lot of press and I’ve used it many times when I am looking for new material.

Inktip categorizes material very specifically, not just by genre but by writers with/without credits, their nationality, scripts that are a thriller but a horror/thriller, then a small budget or large budget and so on. So, it’s easy to really try and find exactly what you’re looking for. Once someone has read your logline they can see your CV and contact you for the screenplay. That way you’re directly in touch right away.

So, one comes from the writer – you, and another comes from the buyer – Hollywood. Both are really great ways of knowing what people are looking for and getting material to them. Writers have more control of course on VPF so that might be the best way to proceed.

Query Letters

As for unsolicited letters. Oh boy, this is kinda tough. I have very rarely asked to read a script from an unsolicited query but nothing has ever come from it. I would definitely not do this to producers as most will just delete the email immediately.

The thing about Hollywood is that it’s all about relationships and all you need is a little ‘in’ and you can get somewhere. The basic rule when trying to know who is looking for what – and it’s the answer I get when I ask producers and studios for my own client’s information – is that they are looking for the best of your material.

They are looking for something that’s been gone over with a fine toothcomb, had notes done on it, and been written at the highest level you can achieve. Producers want to read good material. Period. If they don’t buy something from you this time around they’ll remember you’re a good writer the next time you have a project they’re more interested in.

One last thing and this is important. If you want to be in the entertainment business make it your job other than writing, to know as much as you can about various producers and studios. Don’t send a small indie film to Warner Bros. Know who likes what.

Look at the past list of what films the producer has made and assess your material and then approach. Don’t send Michael Bay a touching love story. It’s unlikely he will read it. You MUST be a part of your career, even and all the more so when you DO get representation.

It’s best for all that you are involved and have opinions and ideas about what to do with your material. The agent or manager is someone who guides and helps you but they’ve got a lot on their plate and you’ve got you on your plate, so help out and contribute to your cause – it will go a long way.

-Jenny Frankfurt

Jenny Frankfurt has been a literary manager for the past twenty years, and runs her own company Highstreet Management, based in Los Angeles, where she represents writers and intellectual property around the world.

Prior to this she was Head of the Literary Department for Handprint Entertainment and has worked at both The William Morris Agency and ICM.

Jenny also blogs and tweets.

discuss why they’re so glad they don’t have to pitch anymore – and how they succeeded by made pitching fun.

If you liked this, check out more videos about screenwriting or filmmaking. And if you know of a great video on Screenwriting, let us know in the comments. Thanks!

by The Judges

The 34th Battalion

The judges’ verdict:

Karel: My question: what makes this movie different from every other war movie? What is interesting about the characters? If there is no central character – God help me, I cannot remember a local film that managed this satisfactorily since Lantana – then why does it need to be a group? Will their friendship be torn apart? And what value(s) or theme(s) are at stake?.”

 What makes this movie different from every other war movie

James: “The inciting incident (the death toll) isn’t an event and therefore can’t be measured or drawn out on a page. This is the first mistake. The logline attempts to create some drama “a group of friends must chose…” but then the logline goes on to tell us what their decision is by stating that they fight in battles. There is no need to add this extra bit of information. It would be better to outline who the main character is and what his goal is (maybe he has to survive and make it home for some reason?) At the moment the goal is too short term, they’re intent on fighting in the war. There needs to be a long term goal to keep the audience interested for when they do ship off to war (as we know they do). ”

Untitled Project

The judges’ verdict:

Geno: “As a logline, it’s missing most of the elements, except of course, the genre, which was clearly stated (unnecessarily so). No sense of protagonist, antagonist, goal, obstacles, stakes, etc. Basically, just a TV guide entry The writer needs to learn the basics of a logline, and the Australian Film Project board, or whomever is funding this stuff, needs to improve their standards a bit. If the logline is this bad, I cannot imagine what the script is like..”

As a logline, it’s missing most of the elements

James: “I could sit here and drum out a list of all the things that this logline is missing. No main character, no goal, no inciting incident etc. Giving your story a setting isn’t enough to create interest in the script. We know enough about the Cronulla riots to be aware that this will clearly be about racism. There’s no need to put that in. I’d rather know whose point of view this event is from. Is it someone involved in the riots or simply an on-looker who becomes affected some way. These are questions that need to be answered in the logline before a script is even attempted.  ”

 No main character, no goal, no inciting incident.

If you have an opinion on any of these synopses or the feedback from the judges, please share it with us in the comments below. Please keep the discussion constructive. Even if your first instinct may be subjective, try to give us as objective a reply as possible. The objective is to all (that includes us, judges) learn from the exercise.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

To read the full reviews and those from casual visitors, go to www.loglineit.com.

The Judges (click for details)

by Jenny Frankfurt

For some of course, this is not a hard task; they know how the world of entertainment works whether they be in LA, London, Australia or NYC and they follow the rules with the help of a representative like myself.

Some people however, want to be in this world and don’t have the ‘in’. Here’s a little help in the right direction. What everyone is looking for: A good script that tells a tale that will be commercial or poignant and will appeal to a big enough audience to get financed. If you think a story about an alien in disguise who sells ice cream to pensioners in an old folks home is going to sell you’re likely wrong.

You don’t have to think big but you have to see a broad appeal.

But how to get started while you already have the skills but not the contacts to get to these people who are going to help? It’s the old joke of not being able to get a job unless you have an agent and not being able to get an agent unless you‘ve had a job. For me at least, for writers, this isn’t necessarily so. I am always open to listen and to read. I will know fairly quickly if you’ve got what it takes.

It takes talent, it takes a clear vision and it takes a willingness to listen and be guided. Easier said than done! To me though, just as if someone hadn’t heard Barbra Streisand sing they wouldn’t know she could have, all writers with talent deserve the chance to be read to see if you might be the next Aaron Sorkin or Julian Fellowes and just haven’t been found yet.

Preparation for being read is very important.
It’s just as important as preparing the story to be written.

Make sure, if you are pitching to the US that your script is formatting appropriately for America.

The more classes and seminars you attend the better, as more and more professionals are teaching and speaking at classes. If you have something good to sell and approach people correctly and with your passion on your sleeve you will be heard. As long as the instructor is someone who has worked in the business and had a script sold or has gotten to some form of development they can likely lead you down the right path.

If you haven’t structured it right, no respectable rep will read it. It tells me right there you’re not really that serious about what you’re doing and since I’m going to help you and hope you’re going to help pay my bills, you better take it seriously. There is formatting and act breaks for television and character arcs and A and B stories, etc… It’s a job so prepare for it like one. Get it to the best place you believe it can be and have some people read it. Go to networking events, make friends with assistants. HUSTLE.

When it’s truly ready, continue to work the schmooze. Get involved with other writers and intern at companies. Hang out with the people who are doing what you’re doing; at a Writer’s Store, a university, a friend of a friend or through researching on the Internet, you will get it to an agent or manager. There are many websites in the US where you can have your screenplay on show and managers, agents or production companies can take a look. Make sure you write a clear synopsis.

If you are going to send a query letter, do it as carefully as possible. If there is anything impersonal or out of sorts with a query letter I will not respond to it. I have accepted scripts via query and some have been good! Everyone needs a break and I understand that; but not everyone will.

I will read scripts from friend’s abroad, a suggestion from a client or anyone. I am honest and you have to prepare yourself for cutthroat criticism. If your script is not at its best you will know it soon enough.

It’s easier than ever to contact people now that there is Twitter, Facebook
and other social media sites giving you almost instant access.

The good news is that the industry outside of Hollywood is smaller and therefore more people are looking for new talent. Also, some places like Australia and London have great film commissions and sending your scripts to them in hopes of getting financing already puts you ahead of others, without a rep.

It all comes down to the work you’ve done. If you’ve got it right so far, then nothing can stop you.

-Jenny Frankfurt

Jenny Frankfurt has been a literary manager for the past twenty years, and runs her own company Highstreet Management, based in Los Angeles, where she represents writers and intellectual property around the world.

Prior to this she was Head of the Literary Department for Handprint Entertainment and has worked at both The William Morris Agency and ICM.

Jenny also blogs and tweets.

by Karel Segers

So far so good.

What Rhonda doesn’t know, is that in exactly eighteen months and twenty-three days, she will grab her firstborn screenplay in ultimate frustration and throw it up the wall, down the stairs and finally in the bin.

By then she will have heard oral feedback from a handful of friends, rewritten the second act, received encouragement from a friendly TV writer, extensive notes from a professional reader (for a fee), rewritten the full script, sent it to a dozen producers, received rejection slips from half, rewritten it again and after a couple of failed re-submissions and more paid coverage from Hollywood readers, the penny will drop.

Her script will not sell.

after a couple of failed re-submissions and more paid coverage
from Hollywood readers, the penny will drop.

Rhonda can save herself the frustration because there is nothing unusual about this process. Breaking in doesn’t happen without pain and rejection. However, you can minimize the suffering by being prepared. Now, what are the realistic options for a first-time script by a first-time scribe?

There are roughly three happy places your script may go. One of these you can control yourself.

what are the realistic options for
a first-time script by a first-time scribe?

Let’s start with the other two for the fun of it.

1. The Writing Sample

Most decent first-time scripts fall in this category. Your idea is not the most original and definitely not high concept. Any producer will have a hard time finding finance and distribution, even though your script is a page turner and you demonstrate a unique, freshly original voice.

People will want to read more by your hand and producers ask “What else do you have?” You place well or win in a respectable screenwriting contest and perhaps land yourself an agent (but don’t hold your breath for this one).

Any producer will have a hard time finding finance and distribution

Carson at ScriptShadow gives you a “[xx] worth the read” and if you don’t close a sale for now, you are on the radar. If you play your cards right from here, you are at the start of your career.

2. The Spec Sale

If your story idea is commercially potent, you will sell. The script shows the mark of the inexperienced screenwriter but the brave who can see through your clunky style, will find an exciting story. If you manage to enthral the seasoned reader, you will first generate interest and ultimately money.

The Screenplay Purchase contract may contain a clause that you will do a First Rewrite (or two) under the guidance of the production company’s consultant or development executive. And even if the producers don’t believe in your writing magic, they may still proceed to buy your script. They want to own the rights so you cannot sue them when they hire another writer to re-write the story. Either way, you have reason to celebrate.

You are now a SOLD screenwriter.

3. The DIY Job

Your concept is low budget, kinda quirky and your writing doesn’t really betray the new Sorkin.

But in your heart you know this story must be told and you will not rest until it hits the screens.

Warning: this is going to be a hard slog. Ironically, it may also be your best chance to make it happen. Why? Because you are in control, baby! You will face the challenge of creating ‘leverage’, i.e. get someone interested who can help progress the script on its path to production.

in your heart you know this story must be told

Then, that person needs to bring the next important credit and slowly you build a group of people, services and money that together can make things happen. These could be actors, a well-connected cinematographer, an investor friend who wants to see you succeed, etc.

If your belief in your script is strong enough and you have enough savings in the bank, you may decide it is worth to bet the house.

It’s scary, it is the last thing I would recommend – but it is an option.

If your belief in your script is strong enough
and you have enough savings in the bank, you may decide
it is worth to bet the house.

Now you know what the three possible destinations for your debut feature screenplay are, perhaps
your writing will become more focused. Gone is the fear of not selling your script.

You have alternative options… and all the time in the world to explore them.

But first of all: write your way to …

FADE OUT.

(originally written for Script Frenzy)

– Karel Segers

Karel Segers is a producer and script consultant who started in movies as a rights buyer for Europe’s largest pay TV group Canal+.

Back then it was handy to speak 5 languages. Less so today in Australia. Karel teaches, consults and lectures on screenwriting and the principles of storytelling to his 7-year old son Baxter and anyone else who listens.
He is also the boss of this blog.

Karel FG Segers

Karel Segers wrote his first produced screenplay at age 17. Today he is a story analyst with experience in acquisition, development and production. He has trained students worldwide, and worked with half a dozen Academy Award nominees. Karel speaks more European languages than he has fingers on his left hand, which he is still trying to find a use for in his hometown of Sydney, Australia. The languages, not the fingers.

Subscribe to our YouTube Channel!

by The Judges

God Complex

“Ancient Greek God, Zeus meets modern day Lilly and makes her life hades.”

The judges’ verdict:

Steven: “Cleverly worded logline. But we need to know more about what specific forms of friction will occur between Zeus and Lilly. For example, is he a chauvinist and she a militant feminist? Is he a philandering pagan and she an upright church-going Christian? In principle the logline leaves the genre of this film uncertain. It could even be a horror flick under one interpretation.”

We need to know…about what specific forms of friction will occur between Zeus and Lilly

Nina: “This is written more as a concept with a play on words rather than a logline. As it stands this logline doesn’t give us a clear summary of the story. “

Doesn’t give us a clear summary of the story.”

Jack: “This could be a lot of fun. Why not start of with, “When Zeus, the ancient Greek god, meets modern day Lilly, her life is turned upside down, resulting in _____ “.”

Trick Riding Mamie

“Mamie Marchbanks, seventeen and oh so sassy, is a performer. She performs with circuses, Mexican travelling players and Mack Sennett, but her father and his bounty hunter are in pursuit.”

The judges’ verdict:

Steven: “This logline places the emphasis in the wrong places. The first half of the logline could be more effectively summed up as Mamie being a “sassy teen circus star” and leave it at that. The logline should then follow on with the real meat of the story: Namely, the father’s peril of being hounded by, say, “a ruthless, cold, calculating, and methodical” bounty hunter. “

The logline should […] follow on with the real meat of the story

Phyllis: “Interesting, colourful premise. Strong visual connotations, but storyline not clean enough, too complicated. Don’t really care about her. “

Interesting, colourful premise.

Jack: “As we don’t yet know the characters it is best not to name them. How about – “A sassy seventeen-year-old wants to keep enjoying life as a circus performer. But her father and a hired bounty hunter have other ideas.””

If you have an opinion on any of these synopses or the feedback from the judges, please share it with us in the comments below. Please keep the discussion constructive. Even if your first instinct may be subjective, try to give us as objective a reply as possible. The objective is to all (that includes us, judges) learn from the exercise.

So what is your verdict? Would you want to see these films? Why (not)? Did the judges get it right? How would you improve the synopses/loglines and what do you feel might improve the stories behind them?

Please give us your opinion in the comments at the bottom of this page.

The Judges (click for details)

photo credit: swanksalot

Low Budget: Black Water

In 2006, I hooked up with producer Michael Robertson when he was in pre-production on the low budget croc thriller Black Water. I spent more than a decade writing for TV and short films in the UK. Still, I never managed to get a feature going, so I was about to have the best meeting of my life.

Michael told me three things. They were making Black Water for around $1.3m. If it worked – it ended up selling to 71 territories – then the financiers would want to do another low budget film. “And this is where you come in.” If I came up with a genre film that could be shot for $2m or less, then he would make it.

And … We’re Rolling!

Two and a half years later, Michael was true to his word. On May 11th 2009, the cameras rolled on my supernatural low budget thriller Road Train.

Michael’s list of must-haves for a great low budget genre movie was simple: high concept, small cast, limited locations, few or no special effects, and no night shooting. The first four I had no problem with, but the idea of no night shooting had me scratching my head. I knew I wanted to do a supernatural thriller,  Typically, in these kinds of films, the night time is where all the scary stuff happens.

In the true spirit of low budget filmmaking, I made a stylistic plus out of a necessity, and made all the scary stuff happen in the blazing desert sun. Indeed, the entire story takes place within a twelve-hour period, and it makes for a very compressed, storyline.

Selling At Cannes

After I came up with a basic outline for Road Train, Michael made up postcards featuring a mock up poster, a 200-word blurb, and a strap line: ‘Never, Ever Leave Your Vehicle.’ Check out Michael’s website to see what I’m talking about.

Michael took the postcards to Cannes in 2007 and flashed them around … and the money men said yes! Michael then put his hand in his own pocket (bless him) and paid me to write the script.

Researching the script, as usual, came down to three areas: experts, characters, and what I like to call ‘walking the ground’. ‘Walking the ground’ involved a trip to Dubbo NSW, to hang out with truckies, and a six-hour trip in a road train. My experts – people whose brains I could pick about what they do – included a truckie, a serious camper for the camping-in-the-outback stuff, and a doctor for the effects of dehydration on the characters. Character research involved pulling together aspects of different people I knew, in order to create written character backstories.

Financing The Low Budget Indie

I did about three drafts for Michael over eight months, before director Dean Francis came on board. Dean was the catalyst for turning an already good script into a great one, by being very clear about what needed to be left alone, and what still needed more work. Michael approached Screen Australia (SA) with the new version of the script and the private money attached, and SA agreed to put up the other half of the budget.

While the original private money eventually fell victim to the credit crunch, other private money and the South Australia Film Commission came in to make up the shortfall.

So, two years from (literally) an idea on the back of a postcard to the cameras turning – a mere blink of an eye in the world of film financing. Hopefully, at the end of it all we’ll have a small-but-perfectly formed Aussie genre film that, like Black Water, punches well above its weight – one that finds an audience both here and internationally.

I’m looking forward to visiting the production later this month, and will keep you posted on developments.

– Clive Hopkins

Prior to ROAD TRAIN, Clive Hopkins’ main claim to fame was as the writer of Oscar nominated short film, HOLIDAY ROMANCE.

Cleo Mees

Cleo Mees is a Sydney-based writer, filmmaker and dancer. With a background across several disciplines, her interest is in finding out how these different disciplines can intersect and inform each other.